Bizzie Mommy Interview

Thanks so much to Bizzie Mommy blog for featuring me as the mompreneur of the day.

What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

Resolution #4: More Romance in Your Life

We all know how difficult it is to have romantic dinners when the Fiesta Trio from Dora the Explorer is blaring from the living room, and what it’s like to try to have an adult conversation in the car when you’re being constantly bombarded by clever observations and (less clever, less polite) demands for juice and pacifiers. What is the secret to a great relationship?  Making the effort!

How can you make the effort? Here are my suggestions:

1. Stop thinking of marriage as a competition. Who got a night out last? Who changes more diapers? Who works harder? Who makes more money? Who drives the older car? Just stop. Who cares? If you’re looking for your spouse to turn to you and say, “Wow, I can’t believe how much you handle, and how gracefully you do everything.” Then either just tell your spouse that’s what you want to hear, or forget that you want to hear it. Or, here’s a novel concept – say this to your spouse and MEAN IT.  Without any eye rolling or sarcasm, tell your partner that you are impressed by everything he does, what he does well, and that you appreciate him. In my experience, saying something nice to someone leads to hearing something nice about yourself in return.The more you nag, the less someone will want to say nice things to you. The more you complain, the less inspired someone will be to compliment you. Try it with your girlfriend, “Why Sheryl, I just love that color on you.” What’s she going to say? Something mean? No. She’s going to say, “Wow, that means so much coming from you because you always look so put together.” Men are the same way. Just don’t expect the response to be as immediate as your girlfriend’s.  Every marriage has its issues, but competition between teammates shouldn’t be one of them.

2. Now that you’ve created a culture of “nice”, create a culture of sexy. Now, I won’t go into too much detail here, because my mother in law has been known to leave a comment or two on this blog, but c’mon – shave your freaking legs.  How much time does it really take? I never understand women who complain about the 2 minutes it takes to shave, and then complain that their husbands never touch them. Get your hair done, get your nails done. Yes, these things cost money. It’s true. But it’s also an investment, showing your partner that he/she (this is a liberal blog) is worth the effort. It takes time. Yes, also true. But isn’t it worth it? In my experience, these efforts go much further than fancy lingerie. And, Dr. Laura is right about one thing -and arguably only one thing – no one is going to be turned on, or feel welcomed home, to find you in that morning’s PJs or in a spit-up covered t-shirt.

3. Date Nights. Date Nights. Date Nights. Jessica posted that a monthly date night is among her resolutions. I would  argue that this is a good start  but not enough (especially for people with “free” babysitting available by grandparents). Weekly date nights – every Saturday night – I put on makeup, heels, and get ready for a nice walk, dinner (even if it’s sharing a burrito or sushi and a beer) and coffee or ice cream before heading home. 2-3 hours. No movies. Only talking, interacting, and no talking about Diapers or issues relating to the kids. Finances are fine. I always encourage  productive discussions about finances. And even sex. But not about kids.

4. Plan a weekend getaway. If you’ve never done this, schedule it now. Arrange the babysitters, days off, hotel. Instead of fancy birthday gifts, give the gift of a getaway. It doesn’t need to involve an airplane (although one of our friends really impressed me by whisking his wife away to Mexico and never telling her where they were going until they made their connecting flight).  If you already do one weekend away each year, plan a second. I really believe in getting away, just the two of us, every 2-3 months.

Which of these will you try to implement this year?

Resolution #3: Learn to Ask For Help

When I first started my business in 2004, I did everything myself – figure out how to accept credit cards, organized a free template of a website, read up on google ads, created and managed my own campaigns, all while handling our finances and our daughter, our grocery shopping, etc.

As business grew, so did my responsibilities. Each time I felt overwhelmed, I solved the problem by asking someone else to handle things. First – getting a financial planner to make the decisions for me and tell me how much to save and what to do with the savings. Then, an accountant to tell me what to do with my taxes. Then, someone to design a website for me. Then someone to design an even better website for me, then someone to come up with a web marketing campaign for me, someone else to manage my advertising, then a personal assistant and -most recently- a Virtual Assistant to take care of my mundane business related tasks.

I went from having a part time babysitter, to part time preschool to full time preschool, to an au pair (the best quality of life decision I made for myself and my kids other than starting my business). My best friend/personal assistant helps with grocery shopping, sending out holiday cards, cleaning my disgustingly piled-upon desk, making my -numerous – returns to various retail outlets, and generally keeping me sane.

The purpose of all of this, of course, is for me to have more time to do what is really important- the things only I can do that cannot be farmed out – mothering, wife-ing, serving my clients, exercising, knitting, reading and spending time with my friends.

There are lots of ways you can ask for help to concentrate on what is really important to you:

1. Arrange a child-care swap with a friend so you can get your nails done, get to the gym, run errands, meet a friend for lunch, or work.

2. Cut back on your cable bill (for example) in favor of a babysitter an extra couple of hours.

3. Make conscious choices. Rather than just doing everything you always do, prioritize the things that you think have to get done in a normal week and think about what someone else could do just as well as you.

What things do you ask others to help with? What do you know you need more help with in your life? What are some solutions? Feeling overwhelmed by everyday life is not necessary or beneficial. After all, if  you have backup systems in place, then on those days you don’t feel well, or you have to take care of someone else who doesn’t feel well, or if something else unexpected occurs, you will have someone else (or a few different someone elses) to call upon.

Don’t assume there’s only one way to organize your life (the way you’ve always done it). Really think about what makes you feel overwhelmed and what can be done about it. Come up with a plan and involve others if that’s what it takes to make things happen?

Please comment with your ideas and resolutions in this regard!

Resolution #2: A Healthier Version of You

Good health encompasses so many aspects of our lives – what we eat, how we exercise, monitoring our health. The abundance of things to contemplate in this regard often overwhelms. However, it’s impossible to think about New Year’s Resolutions without considering making ourselves healthier. Here are some ideas:

1. What You Eat: This past year, thanks to reading “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” byBarbara Kingsolver, I completely changed the way I eat and shop. By eating local, organic produce I am feeding myself and my family healthier foods while helping farmers working to sustain the planet.

2. How You Eat: If one of your goals includes losing weight this year, here are some New Year’s Exercise Tips.

3. How You Spend Your Time: Instead of meeting a friend for lunch or coffee, how about a walk or hike?  Instead of spending an hour a day twittering, how about limiting it to 30 minutes and doing some sit ups and push ups? (Ahem, ahem – talking to myself here).

4. What You Read: Put away People magazine and pick up SELF or Fitness instead. Make fitness and health a culture that surrounds you – the magazine in the bathroom, the book on your nightstand-inspire yourself.

5. How You Punish Yourself: Deprivation doesn’t work. I absolutely must have a dark chocolate fix two or three times a day. That’s not the right thing for me to swear off on my quest for better health. But I can restrict cheese (I eat a lot of cheese and I don’t really need to) and sour cream and would save myself a lot of calories and fat as a result.

Remember – as you work to embrace better health in the New Year, don’t try to change everything about how you eat and exercise. Small changes are best. Start with one thing, you’ll see you don’t miss it -like soda, I haven’t had a soda in years- and then it’s not so hard to cut the next thing. One small change at a time.

Resolution #1: Get a Handle on Household Finances

One way for moms to Make More, Be More and Do More in 2009 is to get a handle on your household finances. You’ll never feel in control of your money until you are actually in control of your money.

In my early years of earning money, I tried to master the art of taxes, investments, retirement, and budgeting all by myself. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. It was incredibly overwhelming, and it took a few mistakes to realize that my intent to control my financial life was just the first step in the process. The next step was hiring experts to help me. I started with a tax advisor service, then an accountant, then a financial planner, then an estate planning attorney, and now I’m ready to start professionally handing my bookkeeping for my business.

In that same spirit, since I am not a financial expert or advisor of any kind and merely a mom and wife who earns money and manages the household expenses, I called in the experts to help my readers. Two of my twitter friends, @danfreeman and @JessRS, were kind enough to offer words of wisdom.

@JessRS is really Jessica Reagan Salzman, founder of Behind the Scenes, LLC.

1. Don’t let the fear of trying to understand your finances keep you from undertaking the effort. “It’s OK to get angry, upset, frustrated, or feel fear when addressing matters related to money.  Meeting the feeling with acceptance will bring ease into your dealings with money.  If you find that your feelings are paralyzing you, reach out to a friend or trusted colleague for support.”

2. Take Advantage of Technology. “Many people, myself included, have found it increasingly more difficult to track their personal spending habits in the digital age.  I clearly recall how much easier it was to track my income and expenses when I dealt only in cash and had a trusty envelope system to clearly indicate how much money I had left in each budget category as the month progressed.  However, the ease of using a debit card has certainly led to my extensive use of plastic instead of cash.  After extensive searching, I’ve discovered a wonderful online system that allows you to incorporate the powers of the digital age with the age old wisdom of the envelope spending system: http://www.mvelopes.com/ Mvelopes! Check it out!”

3.Ask for Help. “Even the savviest money managers often become overwhelmed with business bookkeeping software and other aspects of business related to taxes and making business decisions regarding money.  If this is true for you, give yourself permission to ask for help.” I’m a big believer in asking for help – it saves you time and frustration, and often saves you money in the long run.

Dan Freeman, of Pursue Business Advisors, offers these tips:

1. Manage your finances with Quicken Online. “Everyone knows what Quicken is. It’s what we all should be using to help manage and organize our finances. But, if you’re like many would-be money managers, you hesitate to invest the money and install it on your computer just to clog up space and never get used. Enter the online version of quicken. It’s totally free and there is nothing to install. The program keeps things very simple. You tell it what banks you want to connect with, and it does the rest. The program will alert you of payment due dates based on your past payment history It will calculate your “real balance” (meaning what you will have after you pay all your regular bills that are due before your next paycheck). It has an easy-to-use budget maker. The starting point is what you have done for the past 90 days. You can adjust from there, being a little more realistic than if you started a budget from scratch. As everyone knows, budgeting is difficult and we almost always set unrealistic limits on ourselves. This tool will show you what you currently spend and help you make better decisions on where money could be saved. Handy features like mobile alerts and payment scheduling make this program a must for people who want to manage money but also want to keep things simple.”

1. Store receipts electronically. “Don’t chance losing your receipts or cluttering up filing cabinets. Instead, store them electronically. You can either purchase a NeatReciepts scanner or use any standard scanner. Any charity receipt, un- reimbursed business expenses, large purchases, freelance or 1099 expenses, and anything you are going to deduct on your taxes all should be stored. NeatReceipts will scan and store based on information on the receipt. You can also put receipts in folders on your computer based on however you will best be able to get to what you want. Just be sure to back up the data. You can also choose to store receipts on the Internet at a service like shoeboxed.com. If you want to forgo the scanning altogether you can just mail your receipts to a service like shoeboxed.com and they will sort, scan, and store them for you.”

1. Evaluate your insurance. “Take a good close look at all of the different insurances you are using (health, auto, home, and life). First, make sure your coverages are all appropriate. You may need to increase your life and home coverages. Second, you should take this opportunity to do some shopping. Call your insurance agents/companies and evaluate the charges. Then get cost estimates from some other companies and see if you can save significant money by switching providers. Be sure not to compromise coverage or quality of the company insuring you, but if you can find similar coverage and similar quality for less money – go for it! Everyone complains about the high cost of health insurance. It’s not a place you want to compromise, but it is a place you could save significant money if you pay for your own. If you haven’t yet, look into high deductible health insurance paired with a Health Savings Account (HSA). Instead of all of your money going to the insurance company, most of it goes into a savings account. All the money you put into this account is tax-free. This account can be used for all health expenses; it can grow with interest, and can then be changed into an IRA when you retire. It is, hands down, the best way to do health insurance right now.”

Thanks so much to Jess and Dan for the great (and easy to implement) ideas.

My personal financial management New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Start using Quicken before January 1st.

2. Use Shoebox.com to help keep my desk clean and my tax records organized.

Stay tuned Saturday for Resolution #2: A Healthier You

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Busy Moms

For each of the last7 days of 2008, I will share a New Year’s Resolution geared toward busy moms, ending with my personal New Year’s Resolutions on January 1, 2009.

Here is the schedule:

Friday, December 26: Improving Management of Household Finances

Saturday, December 27: A Healthier You

Sunday, December 28: Learning to Ask Others for Help

Monday, December 29: Keeping the Romance Alive

Tuesday, December 30: Making More Money

Wednesday, December 31: Make Time for True Friends (and less time for the others)

Thursday, January 1: MomwithMoney’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2009

Each day, I will provide links to great resources (featuring my twitter tweople to thank them for helping me reach 400 followers this weekend). So, if you have something to contribute to any of these topics, please find me on twitter @momwithmoney.

Finding Your First Step to Fitness

I go through spurts of working out – a few months at 2 days a week of boot camp, a few months spinning twice a week, a few months jogging, a couple months where it’s a miracle if I take time for a 20 minute walk a few times a week. I’ve been in this rut for a few months (coincidentally coinciding with my busy season at work).

So, today, I took the first step (literally) to get back into a more demanding workout routine. I ran the stadium steps at our local city college. 35 minutes of a real cardio workout and I was hooked.

The Mom with Money Make More, Be More, Do More Dip for Today: Take Your First Step.

Remember, a small change today, then again tomorrow, then again the day after that, and before too long you’ve developed a habit!

Here are 4 suggestions – find the one that resonates with you and make it your First Step to Fitness:

Body & Soul Challenge

Fighting the Frump

Jump Start Your New Year’s Resolutions with Stroller Strides

Wii Fit Mommies

Why High School Makes Me Happy

Facebook allows us to be in touch with people we would not otherwise still think about. It’s true. And I understand that some people think it’s silly to have daily updates on people they haven’t seen in 17 years. But  I love it. Perhaps I’m a total sucker, but these people were important to me and understand me on a level my more recent friends cannot.

When I was 16, my parents moved us to Alabama. From California. Yes, seriously.

Yet, this great group of people at my new school – none of whom related to me at all – took me in and made it ok to be different, and ok to be outspoken and ambitious. It wasn’t a particularly happy time in my life, but I found comfort in knowing there were ten different lunch tables where I could find friends to welcome me. I never felt alone. It would be easy for me to name – right now – 20 people who made a huge difference in my life during those two years, most of whom I am in touch with, mostly thanks to Facebook. And I could assign each of them a different high school clique “category” but I refuse to demean them in that way.  Certainly, I could not have been put into a category in those years; I won’t try to categorize anyone else. But, suffice it to say my friends spanned all groups. Some were black and some were white, some were serious about school and some were not, some came from disadvantaged backgrounds but these never felt like issues to me (perhaps naively, but I never saw anyone according to socio-economic levels at the time).  I remember never begrudging anyone else their successes, and no one begrudging mine.

We also experienced our first horrific tragedy together, one that haunts me every day even 16 years later. But that’s not the reason behind our bond. The connections formed in the good times – celebrating first new cars and football wins, commiserating through seemingly traumatic break-ups, experiencing collective relief when the newspaper finally published and the play was finally over. I remember lots of driving. I remember being in lots of different cars, enjoying deep, insightful conversations about love and friendship and dreams…. so different from the cocktail party conversations I engage in today – where talk is all about real estate and Saks sales, and very little that is personal.

Today, some high school friends posted old photos of me on Facebook, and it was sort of nice to be greeted by the young version of myself. Would she be proud of my life today? It’s certainly a different definition of success – I never knew the possibility of being a business owner existed, only imagining success as being named into positions by one big corporation or another. I’m sure I imagined the million dollar home, but never that it would be a fairly normal and un-mansion-like family home. I absolutely know I wanted to return to California, and that probably would have been enough for the person peering out at me from the Alabama high school yearbook.

Starting my day greeted by those pictures put me in a good mood. I will try to carve out some time today to some of these incredible people  the difference they made in my life. It took me a long time to find myself (my entire 20s decade, arguably) but now I feel like the grown up version of the girl in those yearbook pictures, and it’s reassuring to see so many of my old friends as the grown up versions of their photos. There’s something sincere and authentic about it. It’s hard to fake-out someone who knew your crushes and most embarrassing moments. High school reminds me that it’s not all about being fancy, but being real.