MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

Resolution #1: Get a Handle on Household Finances

One way for moms to Make More, Be More and Do More in 2009 is to get a handle on your household finances. You’ll never feel in control of your money until you are actually in control of your money.

In my early years of earning money, I tried to master the art of taxes, investments, retirement, and budgeting all by myself. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. It was incredibly overwhelming, and it took a few mistakes to realize that my intent to control my financial life was just the first step in the process. The next step was hiring experts to help me. I started with a tax advisor service, then an accountant, then a financial planner, then an estate planning attorney, and now I’m ready to start professionally handing my bookkeeping for my business.

In that same spirit, since I am not a financial expert or advisor of any kind and merely a mom and wife who earns money and manages the household expenses, I called in the experts to help my readers. Two of my twitter friends, @danfreeman and @JessRS, were kind enough to offer words of wisdom.

@JessRS is really Jessica Reagan Salzman, founder of Behind the Scenes, LLC.

1. Don’t let the fear of trying to understand your finances keep you from undertaking the effort. “It’s OK to get angry, upset, frustrated, or feel fear when addressing matters related to money.  Meeting the feeling with acceptance will bring ease into your dealings with money.  If you find that your feelings are paralyzing you, reach out to a friend or trusted colleague for support.”

2. Take Advantage of Technology. “Many people, myself included, have found it increasingly more difficult to track their personal spending habits in the digital age.  I clearly recall how much easier it was to track my income and expenses when I dealt only in cash and had a trusty envelope system to clearly indicate how much money I had left in each budget category as the month progressed.  However, the ease of using a debit card has certainly led to my extensive use of plastic instead of cash.  After extensive searching, I’ve discovered a wonderful online system that allows you to incorporate the powers of the digital age with the age old wisdom of the envelope spending system: http://www.mvelopes.com/ Mvelopes! Check it out!”

3.Ask for Help. “Even the savviest money managers often become overwhelmed with business bookkeeping software and other aspects of business related to taxes and making business decisions regarding money.  If this is true for you, give yourself permission to ask for help.” I’m a big believer in asking for help – it saves you time and frustration, and often saves you money in the long run.

Dan Freeman, of Pursue Business Advisors, offers these tips:

1. Manage your finances with Quicken Online. “Everyone knows what Quicken is. It’s what we all should be using to help manage and organize our finances. But, if you’re like many would-be money managers, you hesitate to invest the money and install it on your computer just to clog up space and never get used. Enter the online version of quicken. It’s totally free and there is nothing to install. The program keeps things very simple. You tell it what banks you want to connect with, and it does the rest. The program will alert you of payment due dates based on your past payment history It will calculate your “real balance” (meaning what you will have after you pay all your regular bills that are due before your next paycheck). It has an easy-to-use budget maker. The starting point is what you have done for the past 90 days. You can adjust from there, being a little more realistic than if you started a budget from scratch. As everyone knows, budgeting is difficult and we almost always set unrealistic limits on ourselves. This tool will show you what you currently spend and help you make better decisions on where money could be saved. Handy features like mobile alerts and payment scheduling make this program a must for people who want to manage money but also want to keep things simple.”

1. Store receipts electronically. “Don’t chance losing your receipts or cluttering up filing cabinets. Instead, store them electronically. You can either purchase a NeatReciepts scanner or use any standard scanner. Any charity receipt, un- reimbursed business expenses, large purchases, freelance or 1099 expenses, and anything you are going to deduct on your taxes all should be stored. NeatReceipts will scan and store based on information on the receipt. You can also put receipts in folders on your computer based on however you will best be able to get to what you want. Just be sure to back up the data. You can also choose to store receipts on the Internet at a service like shoeboxed.com. If you want to forgo the scanning altogether you can just mail your receipts to a service like shoeboxed.com and they will sort, scan, and store them for you.”

1. Evaluate your insurance. “Take a good close look at all of the different insurances you are using (health, auto, home, and life). First, make sure your coverages are all appropriate. You may need to increase your life and home coverages. Second, you should take this opportunity to do some shopping. Call your insurance agents/companies and evaluate the charges. Then get cost estimates from some other companies and see if you can save significant money by switching providers. Be sure not to compromise coverage or quality of the company insuring you, but if you can find similar coverage and similar quality for less money – go for it! Everyone complains about the high cost of health insurance. It’s not a place you want to compromise, but it is a place you could save significant money if you pay for your own. If you haven’t yet, look into high deductible health insurance paired with a Health Savings Account (HSA). Instead of all of your money going to the insurance company, most of it goes into a savings account. All the money you put into this account is tax-free. This account can be used for all health expenses; it can grow with interest, and can then be changed into an IRA when you retire. It is, hands down, the best way to do health insurance right now.”

Thanks so much to Jess and Dan for the great (and easy to implement) ideas.

My personal financial management New Year’s Resolutions are:

1. Start using Quicken before January 1st.

2. Use Shoebox.com to help keep my desk clean and my tax records organized.

Stay tuned Saturday for Resolution #2: A Healthier You

Children’s Gifts Worth Giving

As a mom who wants to Make More, Be More, and Do More, why not give some gifts this holiday season that reflect values that are truly important to you?

Here are two of my favorite ideas:

1.Free To Be You and Me - Originally released in the 1970s, this marvelous book (and accompanying movie and CD) was probably the biggest influence on my childhood. It taught me that mommies could be doctors, it was ok for boys to play with dolls, and that girls could run just as fast as boys. For anyone who hopes children will grow up in an egalitarian world where they are treated with respect and love and as having unlimited potential, Free to Be is just as relevant today as it was when I was growing up. My girls now own the book (which I hope they will treasure their entire lives), and they love the DVD (featuring Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Alan Alda, Marlo Thomas, and others). The new version of the book has updated illustrations, and is my absolute favorite birthday/holiday gift for little girls. At $14 for the book, $12 for the DVD, and only $6 for the CD – each (or a set of all 3) makes the gift memorable, meaningful, and affordable.

2. Piggy Banks and Books that teach kids to save money. This is a company owned by a mompreneur who stresses the importance of building a solid financial future (and sensibility) in children from an early age.

I’d love to hear any other ideas and suggestions also, so feel free to comment.

My Ten Goals For December

This is a busy month for everyone – gift shopping, holiday parties, financial pressures, lots of tempting foods, holiday cards to send…the list seems endless.

Here are my December goals:

1.  Send holiday cards to my clients. I already ordered them, and they already arrived. Now I just need help addressing and sending them and writing personal notes. Same goes for the family holiday cards. It’s not so daunting for me to spend an hour or two writing notes, then asking my personal assistant to help me address them. That way I can spend my time working, exercising, or with my family.

2. Celebrate my daughter’s 2nd birthday without going crazy. I’m having 8 moms and kids over on a Tuesday morning for snacks and an art-oriented playdate. I already ordered the favors (Dora and Diego books) and sent out the invitations. Now all I need to do is make cupcakes and ask friends who are headed to Michaels anyway to look for fun art supplies. Plus, our au pair usually has good ideas about this stuff.

3. Not buy any clothes. Or accessories. Nothing for myself. I had a lot of fun at the Saks presale and absolutely love what I bought. Can I go an entire month without shopping? (Those of you who know me, don’t laugh! I have probably set this goal every month for the past 18 months – ever since I started fitting in my clothes after having Baby #2). And no exemptions for new running shoes (even though my ankles hurt). Can I do it? I feel like I need my readers to keep me honest on this one since last month I bought the juicy cashmere track suit, the chanel sunglasses, 3 pairs of shoes (already written about here), a Missoni top, Alice and Olivia top, and BCBG dress this month. Oh, and a Botkier handbag. But I swear, it really was all 85% off at the pre sale and I got an additional 10% off by opening a Saks card. (Which, by the way, I will pay off the second the bill arrives- Financial stability rule #1- don’t put anything on credit card you don’t have the cash to pay for immediately).

3. Find a few times a week to work out, even if just for 20 minutes or a home video if it’s too rainy to get outside.

4. Remain motivated with work, even though the law school admission cycle will be slowing down over the next 4-6 weeks.

5. Make time to spend with my friends – book clubs, holiday parties, etc.

6. Enjoy my parents and brother when they visit without worrying about the interruptions in my regular schedule and work life.

7. Find time each week to visit my friend who is finding her way back into life after losing her husband.

8. Get away for 2 nights with my husband and not delve into paranoia that something terrible will happen and I’ll never forgive myself for leaving the girls. (I go through this every time we leave them over night to do something fun – this time it’ll be a trip to San Francisco).

9. When I’m learning to make tamales and baking Christmas cookies with my two best friends, I will enjoy being part of their family’s traditions without being stressed about the fact that I really should be working.

10.  For every Hannukah present I bought the girls, I will spend time exploring it with them. I will read every book after they open it, dive into the art projects with them, tear open the games and teach them how to play, and invest my time in their joy. I will try very hard not to say, “I’ll be right there.” Instead, I will just be there.

5 Things Every Mom Must Do This Week

I’m picking 5 key areas of  a balanced life and giving you 5 reasonable goals to achieve This Week to “Make More, Be More, and Do More.”

1. Finances

Find out your log-in and account info for every bank account you and your husband have.

2. Health

Get flu shots for you and your kids if you haven’t already. If you have, do 15 push ups every day this week.

3. Environment

Refrain from buying bottled water for one week.

4. Relaxation

Spend 5 minutes being silly with your kids each day. And spend another 5 minutes each day being silly with your husband.

5. Friendship

Reach out to one friend each day this week whom you haven’t talked to meaningfully in several months. Schedule a coffee date, or a time to go for a walk (and don’t change the appointment for any reason). If the friend is far away, pick up the phone to say Happy Thanksgiving, or just send a thoughtful email.

If I Had a Million Dollars

In college, I loved the song: “If I had a million dollars I’d buy you a ……. If I had a million dollars, I’d be rich!”

Today I found this great post at WIFE.org asking women “What would you do if you won a million dollars.“

It got me thinking – what would I do?

1. I’d pay off my mortgage. (I’m ashamed to say it would take most of the million to do so!)

2. Give some to our local food bank because it kills me that kids in my own city don’t have food at home and therefore can’t pay attention in school – it’s a vicious cycle.

3. Give some to a local group that trains women to go into business for themselves and be their own financial lifeline, Womens Economic Ventures.

What would you do with a million dollars?

A Man is Not A Plan: Take Charge of Your Financial Life

In 1999, I was 25 and getting divorced. I was making $35,000/year and owned nothing. I had an incredibly unsupportive boss who was overbearing and ego-shattering, and I was living in a town I hated. Good times.

One day, my boss sent an email out to the entire department. There was a conference in town featuring prominent female speakers and she had a ticket to give away. If you were interested, you had to write an essay about why you hoped to attend and promise to count the day as “vacation.” Any day away from her prying eyes sounded good to me, so I submitted an essay. I was the only person who did, and therefore won by default.

This conference changed my life. The only speaker I remember was Suze Orman. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I left that day knowing two things: (1) I needed a Roth IRA, and (2) I needed to be in charge of my money.

I knew nothing about how to actually do either of these things. This was when the Internet was still dial-up and everyone used AOL for e-mail. So, I went to the bookstore.

There I found a bright pink book, “A Girl Needs Cash.” Geared toward 20-something single women, I gobbled up every nugget of advice. I found a better paying job (doubling my salary), started the Roth IRA, signed up for my company’s matching 401k, and started learning more about taxes. I vowed to never put anything on credit card that I couldn’t pay for in cash. And I decided to never be shy about my personal need for money; I would not be embarrassed about needing cash and should be every bit as assertive as a man would be about obtaining financial security and independence.

There were some blips along the way: unexpected tax bills, becoming overly excited about having and furnishing a 2-bedroom beachfront apartment in my new city, the shock of an overdue $3,000 tax bill as the result of my divorce, and the absolute NEED for some date-appropriate clothing.  But I made my finances a priority. Understanding my bills, my burdens, and my capabilities is what turned me from a 20-something to an ADULT.

It’s important to me to earn money and to help grow my family’s financial security. I shouldn’t have to tell you why it’s important, but in case you’ really don’t know:

• it’s good for our quality of life (vacation homes, more than enough of everything, supporting non-profit organizations, getting to live in Santa Barbara, etc.)
• A financially secure wife and mom does wonders for our family dynamics – mutual respect, less burden and pressure on the husband, etc.
• My friend who spent years as a divorce attorney tells me she has noticed a clear pattern: when the man wants the divorce, the woman has no financial power in the relationship (income or understanding of the finances); when the wife at least manages the finances, the husband is less likely to be the person seeking the divorce.
• It’s good for my self esteem;  I know if -God forbid- anything happens to my husband that even if I won’t know how to fix the garbage disposal, I will be able to pay someone else to fix it. I will know where my money is and how to use it. There would be enough to worry about; the aftermath of a tragedy is no time to learn how to pay the bills.
• I want my girls to see that their educations and careers are not just means to meeting Mr. Right.

So, what’s the first step to get in control of your financial life? Here are some ideas:

• Learn where your money is and how to get to it.
• Know what your monthly expenses are.
• Know what your family’s monthly income is.
• Don’t plan to rely on the possibility of future inheritances; figure out a retirement plan today.
• If you’re not the person in charge of the family finances, spend time learning where things are and how things are done. Talk to your spouse about your insecurities in this regard and that you want to take on some of this responsibility.
• If money is tight, be creative about what you can do to help. Maybe you have a friend who works who needs a personal assistant, and you could run her errands at the same time you’re running you’re own. Maybe you have great ideas for kid’s birthday parties, or you could be a freelance writer, or teach spinning classes, or work from home typing dictation while the kids nap, or maybe you have some idea you’ve been keeping secret for years and it’s time to take action and explore it.
• Find a financial planning book that speaks to you in words you understand.
• Find a financial planner who will sit down with you and your husband together and explain things and set out clear goals.
• Consider that women’s financial needs are different than men’s.
• Look into an online financial seminar geared to women, like this one about 6 Steps to Reach Financial Freedom.
• If your husband is resistant to changing the family financial structure, have your research ready about why it’s important to the entire family that you take charge of your financial life.

If you need further inspiration, there’s a free bumper sticker offer at WIFE.org, “A MAN IS NOT A PLAN”

P.S. I know Dr. Laura will hate me for this posting. I anticipate she will hate most of my postings. But I don’t love or respect my husband any less because I have and understand money. And, I promise, he doesn’t respect me any less for it either. (More on my one-sided relationship with Dr. Laura to follow)