What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Busy Moms

For each of the last7 days of 2008, I will share a New Year’s Resolution geared toward busy moms, ending with my personal New Year’s Resolutions on January 1, 2009.

Here is the schedule:

Friday, December 26: Improving Management of Household Finances

Saturday, December 27: A Healthier You

Sunday, December 28: Learning to Ask Others for Help

Monday, December 29: Keeping the Romance Alive

Tuesday, December 30: Making More Money

Wednesday, December 31: Make Time for True Friends (and less time for the others)

Thursday, January 1: MomwithMoney’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2009

Each day, I will provide links to great resources (featuring my twitter tweople to thank them for helping me reach 400 followers this weekend). So, if you have something to contribute to any of these topics, please find me on twitter @momwithmoney.

3 Life Lessons Learned While Knitting

I took up knitting when my oldest daughter was about a year old.  Really, I was looking for a reason to keep my butt in a chair without getting up every two seconds, but couldn’t stand the thought of just sitting and not being productive. One of the friends I most admire -for being an individual and a strong, smart woman- is an avid (very advanced) knitter. I decided it would give me some street cred with her if I learned to knit, and -besides- I was tired of buying diaper genies for baby showers. I wanted to be the one who gave the meaningful gift. So, I took some lessons on knitting and purling and morphed into a knitter.

Knitting has now been part of my life for four years. It is the only remotely artsy-craftsy thing I do. The fact that lack artistic talent of any kind plays no part in my knitting abilities; it’s simply about following a recipe and picking pretty colors of yarn, so it’s worked out perfectly. Through knitting, some pretty important life lessons remain a part of my nomenclature.

First Life Lesson From Knitting:

Sitting still, accomplishing a little bit at a slow pace, does not equate with failure. It takes a very long time to knit blankets and shawls and larger items, and an hour’s worth of work may not even be noticeable – it might result in just a few rows. But any progress is progress. And without all that in-between, boring foundation-laying, there can be no end result. No fringe and ruffle without the body of the shawl, no cowl neck without the endlessly dull back of the sweater. The foundation is what lets you arrive at the beauty and style of the finished piece.

Second Life Lesson From Knitting:

The decision whether to correct a mistake is often more painstaking than actually correcting the mistake. Mistakes happen in knitting. I knit a purl stitch, purl a knit stitch, drop a stich altogether, or do the wrong thing on the right side of the piece. I lose count of stitches and rows. I forget the tricks to obtaining smooth edges. Sometimes I catch the mistakes immediately and it’s no big deal to go back and fix them. Sometimes I only see the mistakes later, and undoing the work would be incredibly frustrating, set back my progress significantly, and mean that I’d wasted hours on something for no good reason. The temptation to keep going, to hope no one notices the mistake, overwhelms me. “No one will notice this,” I reason. Then, after I finish the piece and tie in the loose ends, I realize the poor sweater (made of really expensive yarn) is resigned to its eternal resting place – the highest shelf in my closet- because I just refuse to wear anything with noticeable flaws. Of course, there is another lesson in this – to not be so incredibly scared of the flaws. To see that the flaws prove the sweater is homemade – something I did with my own hands, my own work, and to see value and beauty in that quality. Deciding whether the mistake is worth repairing, or whether it’s something I can live with, is great practice for parenting, for business, for marriage, and for everything else in life.

Third Life Lesson From Knitting

Gifts of love mean the most.

After the birth of my younger daughter, and while balancing a 2 year old and a full time job, I took it upon myself to knit a scarf for my friend’s birthday. It was a ridiculous thing to do – the hormones were obviously impacting my judgment. And the gift probably wasn’t completely appreciated, but I felt good giving it. When my friends dress their babies in the sweaters and matching hats that I made, I see that they appreciated my efforts and understood that  my taking the time to create something meant more than any purchased gift. Sure, there are times when the baby hats I made while balancing two kids on my lap failed to even merit a thank-you note, but I (truly, honestly) felt good knowing I’d put effort into the gift (even if part of me was slightly bitter, the lack of consideration has -on occasion- proven to me how good a friend someone actually is and taught me not value the friendship so highly in the future).  Giving hand-knit gifts has also strengthened friendships because it was obvious that I was thinking of the person and of the occasion for a long time. There’s nothing last minute about a hand-knit gift. My avid-knitter friend made me three pairs of socks in the last three years because I love each pair so much I wear them out. That’s friendship. From both sides. Thanks, Kamila.

Knit By Kamila

Taking the Good with the Bad

Yesterday’s post started with song lyrics, so perhaps today’s should begin with words from “The Facts of Life” theme:

You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The facts of life, the facts of life.
My day yesterday consisted of really good moments, and really horrific moments. As a result, I am working on no sleep today. I considered breaking up my experiences from yesterday into 2 or 3 or 4 different posts, but really I think you have to take the good with the bad and so, in that spirit, I present them all together.

I knew all day long that the evening would be sad. I would be watching a friend as her husband was eulogized . I would watch three teenagers cope with the loss of their father.

And yet, the day started with attending my 4 yo’s preschool Gratitude Lunch, watching the children sing songs of Thanking God for their teachers and their parents and their toys. I sat with friends and took pictures of the kids, many of whom I’ve known since they were tiny babies. Because I work full time, I don’t often have time to catch up with what is going on in the lives of other moms, and I truly enjoyed the opportunity.

I especially enjoyed it when one friend (who is very familiar with my shopping passion/addiction) mentioned a huge sale at Saks. I had a two hour period before the next event (a birthday party) and stopped home to check in on work. Finding it reasonably under control, I also found my husband at home grabbing a quick lunch. I asked if it would bother him in any way if I went to the Saks sale, promised not to spend a grand there, and I was off.

It felt so luxurious! Shopping in an actual store, and not on-line. Playing hookey from work for a short time. That alone would’ve been a high point in any day. I gently browsed the tables of shoes by the “Sale” sign, but the prices all looked like regular prices to me. I thought about walking away, but instead asked the question. I couldn’t believe the answer! These beautiful shoes were 50% off and then an additional 40% off, and I could open a Saks account and get an additional 10% off of that!

Now, I have never spent more than $200 on a pair of shoes. I own some very nice shoes (but I am not one of those women with a closet full). I always drool over the Chanels and Pradas and Guccis, but I never actually buy them. Ever.

Until yesterday. I bought a pair of each.

I felt so great to be able to do that for myself! To be able to buy what I really wanted, and not just because it was the best of what I could afford! I was buying my first actual designer shoes, and shoes that I loved – not just for the labels, but for the places I knew I would wear them and for the actual styles! I felt like it was symbolic of how far I’ve grown my business. In some ways, it felt more real to me than buying a second home.  It felt damn good.

I went upstairs to the clothing department and the fun continued – and then it was time to take my daughter to a birthday party. Sometimes, for weekday birthday parties, I drop off our daughter with the au pair. But today I really was feeling good and wanted to spend time with her and with our friends. I’m so glad I did. Connecting with friends is so important; as a mom with a job there are definitely times of the year when I feel out of the loop and disconnected from my community.

That’s when it hit me. Yesterday was about community.

I remembered that as I got dressed for the funeral service. We arrived early because I wanted to be able to see my friend, to feel connected to her in hopes that she would feel the love and support emanating from me. Of course, the entire room was packed with people hoping to do the same.

I listed to stories from the life of a man I really didn’t know very well (except to know I adore and admire his wife). I learned that I probably wouldn’t have had much in common with him – a grand adventurer, a bold presence, a proud cynic. But I learned things about him I never would have learned even if I’d taken the time to engage in 100 conversations with him during his life.

I sat as a member of the community – our religious community, our philanthropic community, our community of friends. Even people who barely know the family are signing up for the meal train. It’s a terrible, sad, and tragic event. But there is beauty in everyone coming together as well.

All of this, of course, made me want to squeeze Brent’s hand a little harder. It made me want to give him his Tom Colicchio cook book last night instead of waiting until Hannukah. And it made me want to inscribe it with words of love.

And then, cruelly, I found myself calling an ambulance at 3 a.m. Brent was very sick. I won’t go into the details, but it was frightening. He is sleeping it off now, and he will be fine soon, but the parallels made the evening more scary. It made a stomach bug feel like it could be so much worse. And the sight of six gargantuan paramedics coming into the house at 3 a.m. is something I hope I don’t want to see again for a very long time (if you know what I mean – if I need those 6 guys again, I will WANT to see them!)

Today, I am tired. But my father in law took Brent’s car to its service appointment, my mother in law took the girls to her house, and the friend whose house we were supposed to visit for dinner tonight is instead bringing dinner here. And, the love and support of my friends on Facebook has only reiterated for me the importance of being part of a community.

As I promised, lots of good, and lots of bad. Without intending to leave you with a Tip of the Day on How to “Make More, Be More, and Do More,” I think that there is one after all:

Invest in your friends. Invest in your community. Spend the time, even if you don’t have it. Today, it might just seem like a hassle to leave the office for a preschool party or a Saks sale or a birthday party when you have clients who need you. But, tomorrow you may need your community more than your clients.