Please welcome me back

Back in January, I decided to put this project on hold while I launched my law school admission guidebook. It’s now a best-seller on Amazon.com and I’ve been getting a lot of questions from the press about how I started my business and about life as a work at home mom (WAHM).

This morning, I was interviewed by Family Radio on Blog Talk Radio about my 6 tips for success as a WAHM. You can listen to the interview here, and download it as a podcast as well.

So, I guess the bottom line is that you’ll be hearing more from me: More about how to Make More, Be More, and Do More. After all, I did get the trademark on the phrase. I might as well us it to inspire!

What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

3 Ways I Changed My Own Life Today

I want to put my money where my mouth is. I’m always writing about quality of life. So, I asked myself what needed to happen for me to improve my own quality of life – not in the future, but immediately. Right now. Today.

I came up with this:

1. I want to stop working when I’m in charge of my kids. I usually work on the computer between 6-8:30 in the morning while the kids beg me to watch “Martha Speaks” with them. After being nagged twice, I enthusiastically sit on the couch and pat myself on the back if I’m still sitting there seven minutes later. This is going to change. Immediately.  I thought about what I’m actually accomplishing during this time that cannot wait. It’s the social networking – managing facebook and twitter, and getting rid of all the sales-y and junk e-mails that come in. I need to eliminate this from my daily schedule. Today.

2. I need to exercise more. I love to exercise. I usually exercise 3-5 times a week. I have done every boot camp and spinning class in the book. But I stopped going to the gym while recovering from surgery in July. For a while, my concerted efforts at daily walks/jogs proved fruitful. However, in my busiest season I find that I wake up fully intending to work out and then realize as the sun sets that I never actually got around to it. That is something within my power to change immediately.

3. I need to manage my time more protectively. I will only schedule one event each day. My original schedule for today showed me taking my 2 yo to try out an hour in her soon-to-be pre-school classroom, then going to a lunch meeting with the Sheriff for the non-profit board I chair. I love lunch meetings, and I love hobnobbing with the Sherriff -he’s a great guy and very dedicated to our cause – but I love my daughter more. And with all those LSAT takers chomping at the bit to actually apply to law school, I decided that the lunch meeting had to go on without me and now I will have time to implement goal #2.

How did I take care of #1 and #2? Easy. After weeks of talking with various people touting their skills as Virtual Assistants, I finally found one who I thought understood what I needed and who immediately “got me.” I think I’ll enjoy working with her, so I hired her. And I told Husband Extraordinnaire  (in business circles I refer to him as my Business Manager when I don’t want to be blamed for the decision I’m making) that this would be better for me, better for the girls, and better for him because it will enable me to stay skinny. He approved the expenditure.

I believe the key to using your time wisely is to wisely choose how you use your time.

I absolutely want to be the person who writes personal messages on holiday cards to family, friends, and clients. I want to be the person writing thank you notes for my daughter’s birthday gifts. However, I don’t have to address the envelopes, buy the stamps, or get them mailed. I want to be the person who picks the holiday gifts for my daughters, but I don’t have to be the person who returns the duds or sells off the ones not worth the shipping fees to return. And I don’t feel like I’m passing off these tasks because I’m actively employing those who do help me complete them. I’m contributing to the economy and keeping things moving. (Of course, this is how I justify the new shoes also …)

Ok, and just for the record for those of you who have been following me since my big reading-related announcement last month:

I did read Septembers of Shiraz (liked it a lot), did not read 10o Years of Solitude (sadly, no one else in the book club did either, except for the organizer who called it “depressing”), am about to read The Price of Privilege” for my other book club, and still need to read “Thinking Like Your Editor.” However, I am considering paying my new VA to read that one for me….

Why Dr. Laura will Vilify Me in My Local Paper

I might as well be honest with my readers right from the beginning of our relationship.

I have a major bone to pick with Dr. Laura. I could pick many reasons to be irritated by her, and a few to be horrified, but I have – in the context of this blog – one major objection to one tiny little bullet point in one of her books.

I’m in two book clubs (just one would not be good enough for such a high achiever, not to mention social butterfly). One forced me to read “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. (I must REALLY love those girls to agree to spend my time on that one, right?) Now, here in Santa Barbara, we have the privilege of having Dr. Laura not only as a neighbor, but also as a regularly featured columnist in our very popular Santa Barbara News-Press (which, for attorney-client confidentiality reasons, I cannot comment about here but a google search on the paper’s name should suffice if you’re looking for dirt about journalistic ethics).

So, before I get to the part of the book that turned me off, I will happily acknowledge some general principles I agreed with:

1. Be nice to your husband and he will be nice to you.

2. A husband does appreciate coming home from work to relative calmness in the house, a nice meal ready, and a wife who does not look like a total schlubb.

3. She’s right about guys needing regular sex and not caring nearly as much about your cellulite as you do.

And that, ladies, is where she had me. I was actually thinking, “Ok, I know where she’s going with this. It’s about respect and peace and enjoying your time together and  not seeng your husband as a competitor.”

But then, starting at the very bottom of page 76, she totally lost me. Forever.

And I quote:

The man should be the major breadwinner in the family. Every man needs a battle or war to win to prove to himself that he is strong and capable of conquering any and all dragons that life throws his way. Taking care of his family by working and providing are his battles.

I graduated magna cum laude from law school and the best argument I can come up with against this statement is, “Is she kidding me with this?”  It’s just wrong on so many levels.

I promise, Husband Extraordinaire feels like a man every time he fetches a piece of jewelry from the sink drain, unclogs the disposal, and lugs the recycling up our ridiculously steep driveway. I also believe he feels like a man as he watches football with a beautiful two year old wrapped into his arms, takes his wife out for a weekly date night (which we can afford because of our joint earnings), eats at our all-time favorite restaurant, buys a second home in Palm Springs, and vacations in Maui for a week every year.

Really, Dr. Laura, I think his job as a litigation attorney gives him plenty of dragons to slay.  And, because I don’t have to ask permission every time I buy myself a treat or justify every frivilous expense, there are no battles for him to fight at home. Everyone is happy. And that should be good enough for Dr. Laura. But, it’s ok if it’s not. It’s good enough for me, and for my husband.