What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

3 Ways I Changed My Own Life Today

I want to put my money where my mouth is. I’m always writing about quality of life. So, I asked myself what needed to happen for me to improve my own quality of life – not in the future, but immediately. Right now. Today.

I came up with this:

1. I want to stop working when I’m in charge of my kids. I usually work on the computer between 6-8:30 in the morning while the kids beg me to watch “Martha Speaks” with them. After being nagged twice, I enthusiastically sit on the couch and pat myself on the back if I’m still sitting there seven minutes later. This is going to change. Immediately.  I thought about what I’m actually accomplishing during this time that cannot wait. It’s the social networking – managing facebook and twitter, and getting rid of all the sales-y and junk e-mails that come in. I need to eliminate this from my daily schedule. Today.

2. I need to exercise more. I love to exercise. I usually exercise 3-5 times a week. I have done every boot camp and spinning class in the book. But I stopped going to the gym while recovering from surgery in July. For a while, my concerted efforts at daily walks/jogs proved fruitful. However, in my busiest season I find that I wake up fully intending to work out and then realize as the sun sets that I never actually got around to it. That is something within my power to change immediately.

3. I need to manage my time more protectively. I will only schedule one event each day. My original schedule for today showed me taking my 2 yo to try out an hour in her soon-to-be pre-school classroom, then going to a lunch meeting with the Sheriff for the non-profit board I chair. I love lunch meetings, and I love hobnobbing with the Sherriff -he’s a great guy and very dedicated to our cause – but I love my daughter more. And with all those LSAT takers chomping at the bit to actually apply to law school, I decided that the lunch meeting had to go on without me and now I will have time to implement goal #2.

How did I take care of #1 and #2? Easy. After weeks of talking with various people touting their skills as Virtual Assistants, I finally found one who I thought understood what I needed and who immediately “got me.” I think I’ll enjoy working with her, so I hired her. And I told Husband Extraordinnaire  (in business circles I refer to him as my Business Manager when I don’t want to be blamed for the decision I’m making) that this would be better for me, better for the girls, and better for him because it will enable me to stay skinny. He approved the expenditure.

I believe the key to using your time wisely is to wisely choose how you use your time.

I absolutely want to be the person who writes personal messages on holiday cards to family, friends, and clients. I want to be the person writing thank you notes for my daughter’s birthday gifts. However, I don’t have to address the envelopes, buy the stamps, or get them mailed. I want to be the person who picks the holiday gifts for my daughters, but I don’t have to be the person who returns the duds or sells off the ones not worth the shipping fees to return. And I don’t feel like I’m passing off these tasks because I’m actively employing those who do help me complete them. I’m contributing to the economy and keeping things moving. (Of course, this is how I justify the new shoes also …)

Ok, and just for the record for those of you who have been following me since my big reading-related announcement last month:

I did read Septembers of Shiraz (liked it a lot), did not read 10o Years of Solitude (sadly, no one else in the book club did either, except for the organizer who called it “depressing”), am about to read The Price of Privilege” for my other book club, and still need to read “Thinking Like Your Editor.” However, I am considering paying my new VA to read that one for me….

Advice for My Daughter: 3 Tips to Terrific Toddlerhood

My baby is turning two tomorrow.

The transition from babyhood to little girl begins already, as she swirls in her dresses beaming from under her baby hair bangs, announcing “Pretty Princess!”

Tomorrow she will blow out a Dora candle. She’s been practicing. She knows the drill.

A year ago, we celebrated the arrival of her first tooth. She still crawled to get around.

Today, she cries only if you turn off Dora or Diego or take away her pacifier. She pretends to roller skate and she asks for everyone by name. Her sentences include “Mommy, I want Diego” and  “I want brush teeth.”

Two is  big birthday. Seriously.  This will be an eventful year for her. If you don’t believe me, just think about her plans for the next month: Birthday party, Mom and Dad leave for 2 nights and Grandma will be in charge, Mom and Dad return and then other set of Grandparents moves in for 2 weeks, Hanukkah and the accompanying festivities, saying goodbye to her beloved au pair, visiting Palm Springs, and – (bugle horn here) starting preschool.

Therefore, Nicole, I want to give you some advice for your third year of life on this amazing but fairly scary planet:

1. Do not change at all. Look at life exactly as you do now. Be happy to see everybody. Clap your hands to music. Wiggle and say “Wiggle,Wiggle” as you do it. Think of yourself as a pretty princess. Continue to amaze everyone by identifying letters and counting to ten (in Russian and in Spanish in addition to English) and then be visibly proud of your accomplishment. Love books, and enthusiastically point out everything that you see. Be empathetic to others when they are hurt.  Ask for band-aids to cover up their boo-boos. Give kisses whenever requested to do so.

2. You are a nice, sweet and happy girl. Stay that way, but not to the point of allowing anyone to take advantage of you. Speak up for yourself if someone takes something you found first. Cultivate a sense of justice – you are, after all, the child of two lawyers.

3. Make lots of friends, not just one friend. Make sure some of them are boys before it’s too late and the chance is lost forever. Play with their puzzles and trucks and pulled-off spider legs. Don’t get so into the Disney Princesses just because other girls are; dressing up is overrated.

Actually, my dear sweet girl, this is good advice for mommy as well. After all, I never did really learn to play well with others.

I love you, Miss Nicole.

A Better Me – Today

I resolve to stop talking about how busy I am. Everyone is busy. People have different thresholds for what they are able to handle. My “busy-ness” is no more important than anyone else’s “busy-ness.”

I am going to stop thinking about all of the terrible things that can happen at every moment.

I am proud of myself for today’s small victories:

I made no money today, but I tickled my 2 yo with kisses, painted humongous cutouts of Princess Ariel with my 4 yo, went for a walk, enjoyed my blown-out hair instead of swearing about the 3 hours it took to get it that way, was nice and sweet and fun every time Husband Extraordinnaire called (it’s not his fault I spent too much time twittering and not enough time editing personal statements).

And I’m wearing my Gucci Heels for the first time.

I’m going to my non-profit board meeting and will refuse to be superstitious about the 2 hour drive home at midnight. I will instead enjoy the company of dynamic, brilliant women who work full time doing what I do as a hobby (volunteer work for an issue I’m incredibly passionate about).

I’m leaving for my meeting, and I will not feel guilty because my children are laughing and happy and healthy and enjoying being children. (Even children who refused to take naps and singing at the top of their lungs “I hate your tushy”).

I am going to enjoy December. Tremendously. Life is good. And if life isn’t good for someone else, I’m going to help make it better.

Children’s Gifts Worth Giving

As a mom who wants to Make More, Be More, and Do More, why not give some gifts this holiday season that reflect values that are truly important to you?

Here are two of my favorite ideas:

1.Free To Be You and Me - Originally released in the 1970s, this marvelous book (and accompanying movie and CD) was probably the biggest influence on my childhood. It taught me that mommies could be doctors, it was ok for boys to play with dolls, and that girls could run just as fast as boys. For anyone who hopes children will grow up in an egalitarian world where they are treated with respect and love and as having unlimited potential, Free to Be is just as relevant today as it was when I was growing up. My girls now own the book (which I hope they will treasure their entire lives), and they love the DVD (featuring Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Alan Alda, Marlo Thomas, and others). The new version of the book has updated illustrations, and is my absolute favorite birthday/holiday gift for little girls. At $14 for the book, $12 for the DVD, and only $6 for the CD – each (or a set of all 3) makes the gift memorable, meaningful, and affordable.

2. Piggy Banks and Books that teach kids to save money. This is a company owned by a mompreneur who stresses the importance of building a solid financial future (and sensibility) in children from an early age.

I’d love to hear any other ideas and suggestions also, so feel free to comment.

My Ten Goals For December

This is a busy month for everyone – gift shopping, holiday parties, financial pressures, lots of tempting foods, holiday cards to send…the list seems endless.

Here are my December goals:

1.  Send holiday cards to my clients. I already ordered them, and they already arrived. Now I just need help addressing and sending them and writing personal notes. Same goes for the family holiday cards. It’s not so daunting for me to spend an hour or two writing notes, then asking my personal assistant to help me address them. That way I can spend my time working, exercising, or with my family.

2. Celebrate my daughter’s 2nd birthday without going crazy. I’m having 8 moms and kids over on a Tuesday morning for snacks and an art-oriented playdate. I already ordered the favors (Dora and Diego books) and sent out the invitations. Now all I need to do is make cupcakes and ask friends who are headed to Michaels anyway to look for fun art supplies. Plus, our au pair usually has good ideas about this stuff.

3. Not buy any clothes. Or accessories. Nothing for myself. I had a lot of fun at the Saks presale and absolutely love what I bought. Can I go an entire month without shopping? (Those of you who know me, don’t laugh! I have probably set this goal every month for the past 18 months – ever since I started fitting in my clothes after having Baby #2). And no exemptions for new running shoes (even though my ankles hurt). Can I do it? I feel like I need my readers to keep me honest on this one since last month I bought the juicy cashmere track suit, the chanel sunglasses, 3 pairs of shoes (already written about here), a Missoni top, Alice and Olivia top, and BCBG dress this month. Oh, and a Botkier handbag. But I swear, it really was all 85% off at the pre sale and I got an additional 10% off by opening a Saks card. (Which, by the way, I will pay off the second the bill arrives- Financial stability rule #1- don’t put anything on credit card you don’t have the cash to pay for immediately).

3. Find a few times a week to work out, even if just for 20 minutes or a home video if it’s too rainy to get outside.

4. Remain motivated with work, even though the law school admission cycle will be slowing down over the next 4-6 weeks.

5. Make time to spend with my friends – book clubs, holiday parties, etc.

6. Enjoy my parents and brother when they visit without worrying about the interruptions in my regular schedule and work life.

7. Find time each week to visit my friend who is finding her way back into life after losing her husband.

8. Get away for 2 nights with my husband and not delve into paranoia that something terrible will happen and I’ll never forgive myself for leaving the girls. (I go through this every time we leave them over night to do something fun – this time it’ll be a trip to San Francisco).

9. When I’m learning to make tamales and baking Christmas cookies with my two best friends, I will enjoy being part of their family’s traditions without being stressed about the fact that I really should be working.

10.  For every Hannukah present I bought the girls, I will spend time exploring it with them. I will read every book after they open it, dive into the art projects with them, tear open the games and teach them how to play, and invest my time in their joy. I will try very hard not to say, “I’ll be right there.” Instead, I will just be there.

Bad Dreams, then Worse Reality

Last night I had two dreams, equally disturbing.

In the first, I was headed back to work at the law firm that fired me in 2004, when my daughter was 4 months old. They were happy to see me, and my boss apologized for being such a jerk and firing me for “mommy tracking” my career.

In the second dream, I left my 2 yo daughter at home alone while I went grocery shopping. And left dinner cooking on the stove.

I woke up at 5:30 to the 2 yo’s soaked-through pjs, battling a raging headache, cured by 2 Ibuprofen and a cup of coffee, before learning the disarming news that a friend lost her husband last night, leaving their three teenagers without their father.

This friend is truly a Mom who knows how to Make More, Be More and Do More – she makes the most of every minute, has a fulfilling career, is active in the community, spiritual and identifying strongly with her community, a loving mother, the kind of friend who leaves work when the unveiling of your plastic surgery results leaves you panicked and depressed, and now -suddenly- she is no longer a wife. My heart goes out to her and to the kids.

I hope my posts the rest of the week are a bit more cheery…. Would love your comments on creative ways to show this family that they are loved.

What Does “Success” Really Mean?

Or, in other words, how to be a mom who also has a day job…..

Yesterday from 6 – 8 a.m. this was my life:

Haley (while on potty): Mommy, do boys go poopoo too?

Me: Yes, of course. All people and animals go Poopoo.

Haley: But they only have the thing that sticks out.

Me: They also have a hole, honey. It’s just harder to see.

And I felt successful when she took that answer at face value and the conversation ended.

Two hours later, I felt successful when I caught up on all of my e-mails before leaving for my non-profit conference.

An hour after that, I felt successful when I had a really insightful conversation with a new friend over lunch and had the opportunity to speak to someone honestly about the challenges of cultivating true friendships when you’re a mom who doesn’t have time for every playdate and trunk show and fundraising event.

Two hours later, I felt successful when my girls saw me leave the house with a suitcase and did not have to be pried from my leg in tears about my leaving.

Two hours after that, I successfully arrived at the Beverly Hilton, registered for my conference, settled in, and connected with talented and passionate and committed people who share my interests in civil rights and justice. Plus, I met someone who went to high school with my husband who gave me a great prom date story that I can use to torture him. Ahhh!!! (Good thing Hubby Extraordinaire doesn’t read the blog…)

And, three hours later, I felt successful when I finally fell asleep. Success can also be a good night’s sleep in a new place when your mind is crowded with ideas.

Today is a new day and I already feel successful because I have been working for two hours, won’t be stressed about answering emails while I’m listening to the Mayor of Los Angeles, and can concentrate on the opportunities in front of me for the next 12 hours.

What will “Success” mean for you today?

Changing Poopy Panties in Prada

Here we are, thinking we’re so important and have our acts together, dressed up for a nonprofit board meeting and ready to conquer the day, and then a four year old needs new panties six times in two hours and draws all over her body with a marker.

Ok, the “we” is really “me.” But it definitely puts things in perspective. No matter what we do in our work lives, parents are caretakers. That’s all there is to it.

On Valentine’s Day weekend, Husband Extraordinaire and I had a getaway to Los Angeles (yes, to see Barry Manilow, but that’s not the point). On the way back, we found a cute place in Malibu for breakfast but I was in a sour mood because we were seated next to a family with a toddler – the last thing I wanted to see during our remaining hours of freedom was a toddler.

But the father’s voice was unmistakeable. It was Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler was distracting a 20 month-old with sugar packets and chasing a kid around the restaurant so his wife could get a few bites of breakfast while it was still hot. They were dressed in sweats and Uggs and baseball caps and looked like the rest of us – exhausted parents. It was all I needed to turn my mood around!

It made us feel  GREAT to know that a box office star is probably also changing poopy panties before heading off to work. You could say we felt good because misery loves company, but really I think we felt good knowing that our efforts as parents are worthwhile and even Adam Sandler knows our efforts as parents are worthwhile or he would hire someone else to parent for him. Plus, it’s a universal experience – all parents can relate to all other parents. Parenting brings the world together.

Ok, now that my point is made, I have a confession. I don’t actually own anything Prada. But I was actually wearing -for the first time – the amazing brown suede Armani jacket I found at a resale/consignment shop. It’s just that “Prada” sounds so much better with “Poopy Panties,” don’t you think?