Please welcome me back

Back in January, I decided to put this project on hold while I launched my law school admission guidebook. It’s now a best-seller on Amazon.com and I’ve been getting a lot of questions from the press about how I started my business and about life as a work at home mom (WAHM).

This morning, I was interviewed by Family Radio on Blog Talk Radio about my 6 tips for success as a WAHM. You can listen to the interview here, and download it as a podcast as well.

So, I guess the bottom line is that you’ll be hearing more from me: More about how to Make More, Be More, and Do More. After all, I did get the trademark on the phrase. I might as well us it to inspire!

Bizzie Mommy Interview

Thanks so much to Bizzie Mommy blog for featuring me as the mompreneur of the day.

What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

Resolution #3: Learn to Ask For Help

When I first started my business in 2004, I did everything myself – figure out how to accept credit cards, organized a free template of a website, read up on google ads, created and managed my own campaigns, all while handling our finances and our daughter, our grocery shopping, etc.

As business grew, so did my responsibilities. Each time I felt overwhelmed, I solved the problem by asking someone else to handle things. First – getting a financial planner to make the decisions for me and tell me how much to save and what to do with the savings. Then, an accountant to tell me what to do with my taxes. Then, someone to design a website for me. Then someone to design an even better website for me, then someone to come up with a web marketing campaign for me, someone else to manage my advertising, then a personal assistant and -most recently- a Virtual Assistant to take care of my mundane business related tasks.

I went from having a part time babysitter, to part time preschool to full time preschool, to an au pair (the best quality of life decision I made for myself and my kids other than starting my business). My best friend/personal assistant helps with grocery shopping, sending out holiday cards, cleaning my disgustingly piled-upon desk, making my -numerous – returns to various retail outlets, and generally keeping me sane.

The purpose of all of this, of course, is for me to have more time to do what is really important- the things only I can do that cannot be farmed out – mothering, wife-ing, serving my clients, exercising, knitting, reading and spending time with my friends.

There are lots of ways you can ask for help to concentrate on what is really important to you:

1. Arrange a child-care swap with a friend so you can get your nails done, get to the gym, run errands, meet a friend for lunch, or work.

2. Cut back on your cable bill (for example) in favor of a babysitter an extra couple of hours.

3. Make conscious choices. Rather than just doing everything you always do, prioritize the things that you think have to get done in a normal week and think about what someone else could do just as well as you.

What things do you ask others to help with? What do you know you need more help with in your life? What are some solutions? Feeling overwhelmed by everyday life is not necessary or beneficial. After all, if  you have backup systems in place, then on those days you don’t feel well, or you have to take care of someone else who doesn’t feel well, or if something else unexpected occurs, you will have someone else (or a few different someone elses) to call upon.

Don’t assume there’s only one way to organize your life (the way you’ve always done it). Really think about what makes you feel overwhelmed and what can be done about it. Come up with a plan and involve others if that’s what it takes to make things happen?

Please comment with your ideas and resolutions in this regard!

Finding Your First Step to Fitness

I go through spurts of working out – a few months at 2 days a week of boot camp, a few months spinning twice a week, a few months jogging, a couple months where it’s a miracle if I take time for a 20 minute walk a few times a week. I’ve been in this rut for a few months (coincidentally coinciding with my busy season at work).

So, today, I took the first step (literally) to get back into a more demanding workout routine. I ran the stadium steps at our local city college. 35 minutes of a real cardio workout and I was hooked.

The Mom with Money Make More, Be More, Do More Dip for Today: Take Your First Step.

Remember, a small change today, then again tomorrow, then again the day after that, and before too long you’ve developed a habit!

Here are 4 suggestions – find the one that resonates with you and make it your First Step to Fitness:

Body & Soul Challenge

Fighting the Frump

Jump Start Your New Year’s Resolutions with Stroller Strides

Wii Fit Mommies

Why High School Makes Me Happy

Facebook allows us to be in touch with people we would not otherwise still think about. It’s true. And I understand that some people think it’s silly to have daily updates on people they haven’t seen in 17 years. But  I love it. Perhaps I’m a total sucker, but these people were important to me and understand me on a level my more recent friends cannot.

When I was 16, my parents moved us to Alabama. From California. Yes, seriously.

Yet, this great group of people at my new school – none of whom related to me at all – took me in and made it ok to be different, and ok to be outspoken and ambitious. It wasn’t a particularly happy time in my life, but I found comfort in knowing there were ten different lunch tables where I could find friends to welcome me. I never felt alone. It would be easy for me to name – right now – 20 people who made a huge difference in my life during those two years, most of whom I am in touch with, mostly thanks to Facebook. And I could assign each of them a different high school clique “category” but I refuse to demean them in that way.  Certainly, I could not have been put into a category in those years; I won’t try to categorize anyone else. But, suffice it to say my friends spanned all groups. Some were black and some were white, some were serious about school and some were not, some came from disadvantaged backgrounds but these never felt like issues to me (perhaps naively, but I never saw anyone according to socio-economic levels at the time).  I remember never begrudging anyone else their successes, and no one begrudging mine.

We also experienced our first horrific tragedy together, one that haunts me every day even 16 years later. But that’s not the reason behind our bond. The connections formed in the good times – celebrating first new cars and football wins, commiserating through seemingly traumatic break-ups, experiencing collective relief when the newspaper finally published and the play was finally over. I remember lots of driving. I remember being in lots of different cars, enjoying deep, insightful conversations about love and friendship and dreams…. so different from the cocktail party conversations I engage in today – where talk is all about real estate and Saks sales, and very little that is personal.

Today, some high school friends posted old photos of me on Facebook, and it was sort of nice to be greeted by the young version of myself. Would she be proud of my life today? It’s certainly a different definition of success – I never knew the possibility of being a business owner existed, only imagining success as being named into positions by one big corporation or another. I’m sure I imagined the million dollar home, but never that it would be a fairly normal and un-mansion-like family home. I absolutely know I wanted to return to California, and that probably would have been enough for the person peering out at me from the Alabama high school yearbook.

Starting my day greeted by those pictures put me in a good mood. I will try to carve out some time today to some of these incredible people  the difference they made in my life. It took me a long time to find myself (my entire 20s decade, arguably) but now I feel like the grown up version of the girl in those yearbook pictures, and it’s reassuring to see so many of my old friends as the grown up versions of their photos. There’s something sincere and authentic about it. It’s hard to fake-out someone who knew your crushes and most embarrassing moments. High school reminds me that it’s not all about being fancy, but being real.

Making Marriage Matter

We all know how easy it is to get upset with our partners over stupid, mundane things. I am most likely to lose patience with Husband Extraordinnaire when he’s cleaning the kitchen. Seriously. How ridiculous is that? I resent that he spends an hour every night making the kitchen perfect. I say I resent it because it’s time he could be spending with me, but I’m working when he does it so who am I kidding? I really resent it because it feels like he’s pointing out one of my many inabilities to manage the household flawlessly.  Don’t I have any actual problems to worry about?

Because this is how daily life often proceeds, taking a “time out” is vital. Every 3-4 months, we escape – without kids – and just spend time together. The physical act of getting on a plane – even just driving to the airport without the sound of Barbie Fairytopia in the background and constant “potty” breaks (except for me, of course) – translates into uninterrupted (!) conversations.

Arriving in a new city, walking hand in hand with each other just because (rather than as a means of holding back children in a parking lot), deciding where to eat based on what looks good as we walk by, having no particular agenda other than reunions with friends who live near our destination – the whole experience recharges our joint batteries, if you will. It’s new and it’s fresh. And it’s sentimental, because we generally choose getaway destinations we’ve enjoyed together previously.

This afternoon, we head to San Francisco. We started dating in San Francisco. He picked an outfit for me there that I still own (and could wear if I desired). It’s where we escaped to distract ourselves while waiting for bar results. I shlepped those hills twice during my pregnancy with our oldest daughter. All of these memories – whether we talk about them or not – rekindles good stuff.

Or at least, I hope it will. We haven’t left yet but I’m optimistic. I think every marriage needs this.  And one night is never enough. It always takes 2 nights to relax into being away. If you haven’t done this in a long time – or ever since having kids – make this a priority. Make it your holiday gift to each other, ask your in laws to make babysitting for a weekend their holiday gift to you.  Commit. Because after the kids leave the house, it’s just you and your partner. In the end, it’s just about the two of you. That relationship deserves efforts to sustain it.

That’s my Make More, Be More, Do More Tip for the Day: Do whatever it takes, but get away – just the two of you.

3 Ways I Changed My Own Life Today

I want to put my money where my mouth is. I’m always writing about quality of life. So, I asked myself what needed to happen for me to improve my own quality of life – not in the future, but immediately. Right now. Today.

I came up with this:

1. I want to stop working when I’m in charge of my kids. I usually work on the computer between 6-8:30 in the morning while the kids beg me to watch “Martha Speaks” with them. After being nagged twice, I enthusiastically sit on the couch and pat myself on the back if I’m still sitting there seven minutes later. This is going to change. Immediately.  I thought about what I’m actually accomplishing during this time that cannot wait. It’s the social networking – managing facebook and twitter, and getting rid of all the sales-y and junk e-mails that come in. I need to eliminate this from my daily schedule. Today.

2. I need to exercise more. I love to exercise. I usually exercise 3-5 times a week. I have done every boot camp and spinning class in the book. But I stopped going to the gym while recovering from surgery in July. For a while, my concerted efforts at daily walks/jogs proved fruitful. However, in my busiest season I find that I wake up fully intending to work out and then realize as the sun sets that I never actually got around to it. That is something within my power to change immediately.

3. I need to manage my time more protectively. I will only schedule one event each day. My original schedule for today showed me taking my 2 yo to try out an hour in her soon-to-be pre-school classroom, then going to a lunch meeting with the Sheriff for the non-profit board I chair. I love lunch meetings, and I love hobnobbing with the Sherriff -he’s a great guy and very dedicated to our cause – but I love my daughter more. And with all those LSAT takers chomping at the bit to actually apply to law school, I decided that the lunch meeting had to go on without me and now I will have time to implement goal #2.

How did I take care of #1 and #2? Easy. After weeks of talking with various people touting their skills as Virtual Assistants, I finally found one who I thought understood what I needed and who immediately “got me.” I think I’ll enjoy working with her, so I hired her. And I told Husband Extraordinnaire  (in business circles I refer to him as my Business Manager when I don’t want to be blamed for the decision I’m making) that this would be better for me, better for the girls, and better for him because it will enable me to stay skinny. He approved the expenditure.

I believe the key to using your time wisely is to wisely choose how you use your time.

I absolutely want to be the person who writes personal messages on holiday cards to family, friends, and clients. I want to be the person writing thank you notes for my daughter’s birthday gifts. However, I don’t have to address the envelopes, buy the stamps, or get them mailed. I want to be the person who picks the holiday gifts for my daughters, but I don’t have to be the person who returns the duds or sells off the ones not worth the shipping fees to return. And I don’t feel like I’m passing off these tasks because I’m actively employing those who do help me complete them. I’m contributing to the economy and keeping things moving. (Of course, this is how I justify the new shoes also …)

Ok, and just for the record for those of you who have been following me since my big reading-related announcement last month:

I did read Septembers of Shiraz (liked it a lot), did not read 10o Years of Solitude (sadly, no one else in the book club did either, except for the organizer who called it “depressing”), am about to read The Price of Privilege” for my other book club, and still need to read “Thinking Like Your Editor.” However, I am considering paying my new VA to read that one for me….

A Better Me – Today

I resolve to stop talking about how busy I am. Everyone is busy. People have different thresholds for what they are able to handle. My “busy-ness” is no more important than anyone else’s “busy-ness.”

I am going to stop thinking about all of the terrible things that can happen at every moment.

I am proud of myself for today’s small victories:

I made no money today, but I tickled my 2 yo with kisses, painted humongous cutouts of Princess Ariel with my 4 yo, went for a walk, enjoyed my blown-out hair instead of swearing about the 3 hours it took to get it that way, was nice and sweet and fun every time Husband Extraordinnaire called (it’s not his fault I spent too much time twittering and not enough time editing personal statements).

And I’m wearing my Gucci Heels for the first time.

I’m going to my non-profit board meeting and will refuse to be superstitious about the 2 hour drive home at midnight. I will instead enjoy the company of dynamic, brilliant women who work full time doing what I do as a hobby (volunteer work for an issue I’m incredibly passionate about).

I’m leaving for my meeting, and I will not feel guilty because my children are laughing and happy and healthy and enjoying being children. (Even children who refused to take naps and singing at the top of their lungs “I hate your tushy”).

I am going to enjoy December. Tremendously. Life is good. And if life isn’t good for someone else, I’m going to help make it better.