What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

3 Ways I Changed My Own Life Today

I want to put my money where my mouth is. I’m always writing about quality of life. So, I asked myself what needed to happen for me to improve my own quality of life – not in the future, but immediately. Right now. Today.

I came up with this:

1. I want to stop working when I’m in charge of my kids. I usually work on the computer between 6-8:30 in the morning while the kids beg me to watch “Martha Speaks” with them. After being nagged twice, I enthusiastically sit on the couch and pat myself on the back if I’m still sitting there seven minutes later. This is going to change. Immediately.  I thought about what I’m actually accomplishing during this time that cannot wait. It’s the social networking – managing facebook and twitter, and getting rid of all the sales-y and junk e-mails that come in. I need to eliminate this from my daily schedule. Today.

2. I need to exercise more. I love to exercise. I usually exercise 3-5 times a week. I have done every boot camp and spinning class in the book. But I stopped going to the gym while recovering from surgery in July. For a while, my concerted efforts at daily walks/jogs proved fruitful. However, in my busiest season I find that I wake up fully intending to work out and then realize as the sun sets that I never actually got around to it. That is something within my power to change immediately.

3. I need to manage my time more protectively. I will only schedule one event each day. My original schedule for today showed me taking my 2 yo to try out an hour in her soon-to-be pre-school classroom, then going to a lunch meeting with the Sheriff for the non-profit board I chair. I love lunch meetings, and I love hobnobbing with the Sherriff -he’s a great guy and very dedicated to our cause – but I love my daughter more. And with all those LSAT takers chomping at the bit to actually apply to law school, I decided that the lunch meeting had to go on without me and now I will have time to implement goal #2.

How did I take care of #1 and #2? Easy. After weeks of talking with various people touting their skills as Virtual Assistants, I finally found one who I thought understood what I needed and who immediately “got me.” I think I’ll enjoy working with her, so I hired her. And I told Husband Extraordinnaire  (in business circles I refer to him as my Business Manager when I don’t want to be blamed for the decision I’m making) that this would be better for me, better for the girls, and better for him because it will enable me to stay skinny. He approved the expenditure.

I believe the key to using your time wisely is to wisely choose how you use your time.

I absolutely want to be the person who writes personal messages on holiday cards to family, friends, and clients. I want to be the person writing thank you notes for my daughter’s birthday gifts. However, I don’t have to address the envelopes, buy the stamps, or get them mailed. I want to be the person who picks the holiday gifts for my daughters, but I don’t have to be the person who returns the duds or sells off the ones not worth the shipping fees to return. And I don’t feel like I’m passing off these tasks because I’m actively employing those who do help me complete them. I’m contributing to the economy and keeping things moving. (Of course, this is how I justify the new shoes also …)

Ok, and just for the record for those of you who have been following me since my big reading-related announcement last month:

I did read Septembers of Shiraz (liked it a lot), did not read 10o Years of Solitude (sadly, no one else in the book club did either, except for the organizer who called it “depressing”), am about to read The Price of Privilege” for my other book club, and still need to read “Thinking Like Your Editor.” However, I am considering paying my new VA to read that one for me….

Children’s Gifts Worth Giving

As a mom who wants to Make More, Be More, and Do More, why not give some gifts this holiday season that reflect values that are truly important to you?

Here are two of my favorite ideas:

1.Free To Be You and Me - Originally released in the 1970s, this marvelous book (and accompanying movie and CD) was probably the biggest influence on my childhood. It taught me that mommies could be doctors, it was ok for boys to play with dolls, and that girls could run just as fast as boys. For anyone who hopes children will grow up in an egalitarian world where they are treated with respect and love and as having unlimited potential, Free to Be is just as relevant today as it was when I was growing up. My girls now own the book (which I hope they will treasure their entire lives), and they love the DVD (featuring Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Alan Alda, Marlo Thomas, and others). The new version of the book has updated illustrations, and is my absolute favorite birthday/holiday gift for little girls. At $14 for the book, $12 for the DVD, and only $6 for the CD – each (or a set of all 3) makes the gift memorable, meaningful, and affordable.

2. Piggy Banks and Books that teach kids to save money. This is a company owned by a mompreneur who stresses the importance of building a solid financial future (and sensibility) in children from an early age.

I’d love to hear any other ideas and suggestions also, so feel free to comment.

The 4 Books I am Not Reading: Up for a Challenge?

I have four brand new, crisp-covered books waiting their turn for a read:

1. The Septembers of Shiraz by Dalia Sofer – I think I need to read this one in the next month for the book club I’ve been in for 4 years. We get together about 4 times a year and take turns picking books and hosting dinners. It’s a group of 8 women and we try to focus on books that have something to do with Judaism. Although some of our books have been busts, I’m pretty excited about this one after reading the NYT book review. And I know my friend, Y, was pretty nervous about picking the right book so I want to make sure I read it. There’s nothing worse  in the book club world than picking a book and no one reading it  or liking it! I’ve suffered a few depressing days myself when this has happened with books I’ve picked.

2. The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine, Ph.D. - I bought this one for myself because of the subtitle: “How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.” I have friends who sign their kids up for every imaginable activity: Preschool, soccer, gymnastics, swimming, singing, kindermusik, ballet, tennis, Sunday School…… I think it leads to stressed out moms and stressed out kids. The stuff is expensive and time consuming. I believe in a  “One Class At a Time” rule: If my older daughter was signed up for one class then that’s it. On top of preschool, I don’t feel she’s deprived of stimulation. Plus, as a work-away mom (my new term for moms who work apart from their household responsibilities, even though I technically have my office at home), I just couldn’t justify more than one class a week because I like to drive my own kids and be the person who takes them and picks them up from things. (Luckily I have that flexibility as a mompreneur.)  As a side benefit, my 4 yo now has to think about what she really wants to do – she knows she can’t do everything at once, so she’ll say “Mom, when gymnastics is over can I switch to swimming again?”  I want her to know that one choice necessarily excludes another. She can’t have everything she wants, and she shouldn’t have everything she wants. So, I do look forward to reading this book, although I probably won’t get to it anytime soon.

3. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez -  I love any book that makes me feel smarter and more informed about the world. This one is for my newer book club, but one where we talk about the things that really matter and make the topics and themes relevant to our lives, and where we all drink wine and eat food and feel really comfortable sharing secrets. This meeting is a month away and I really do vow to read it in time – I just need to finish knitting the shawl I’m working on so I can wear it on our first cool fall day. Despite the craziness of my schedule, I am the person who reads every book club book, even if I end up not being able to attend the meeting. I have my issues but being a flake is not one of them.

4. Thinking Like Your Editor by Susan Rabiner and Alfred Fortunato – I have become intrigued by the world of publishing. My only two magazine subscriptions right now are Publisher’s Weekly and Bookmarks. (Yes, keep your eye out for “Make More, Be More, Do More” the Book in 2010.)

Anyone up for a challenge? Want to pick any one of these books and then see what all of my MomwithMoney readers think of it? If a few of us each read a book (and I read all of them) then we could have a lot of fun in the comments section of the blog….. Comment back and tell me which one you’ll be reading. And let’s put a deadline – how about one month from today? I’d love to hear that you’re up for the challenge!

I hope all of my readers are having as wonderful a Saturday as I am – a perfect relaxing day with the kids and friends and date night with friends….. I really should be working, but this is so much more fun. I promise to get started reading tonight, as soon as I decide to ditch “Eat, Pray, Love” which has been a huge, unrewarding time-drain.

My Biggest Weakness

Something that totally bugs me about myself is that I have a terrible habit of interrupting people. I try not to do it, I know I do it, and I hate that I do it, but I still do it. I interrupt friends, clients, everyone….. I don’t know how people stand talking to me.

I’m on page 192 of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love.

I’m not sure I relate to her experiences, or how unbelievably unforgiving she is with herself, but I totally related to her self- criticism of how she interrupts people:

Or, here’s a radical concept-maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting, I can’t find another way to see it than this: “I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying.” And I can’t find another way to see that than: “I believe I am more important than you.” And that must end.

Ok. That makes it pretty clear. This is my goal for the week – to remember that I would never want anyone to think I really felt I was more important and to keep my mouth shut when others are talking. Especially with my clients, because even though I talk about the LSAT all day, they are going through this experience of applying to law school for the very first time. It’s new to them. And I don’t charge by the hour, so I don’t need to anticipate the end of every question and sentence. I can try to just let them share their thoughts and concerns.

But, I might have to have one exception to the rule if that’s ok with you?

I have a non-profit board meeting tomorrow and I’m the chairperson. And I’m the youngest person in the room. And these people like to talk just to hear themselves speak. Or at least one of them does. And I will gain the respect of most people in the room if I can effectively and politely keep that person on point…… Can I do this without interrupting? And, is getting out of the meeting sooner more important than letting someone say their piece?

Hmmm… it might be a whole new Ann.

Why Dr. Laura will Vilify Me in My Local Paper

I might as well be honest with my readers right from the beginning of our relationship.

I have a major bone to pick with Dr. Laura. I could pick many reasons to be irritated by her, and a few to be horrified, but I have – in the context of this blog – one major objection to one tiny little bullet point in one of her books.

I’m in two book clubs (just one would not be good enough for such a high achiever, not to mention social butterfly). One forced me to read “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. (I must REALLY love those girls to agree to spend my time on that one, right?) Now, here in Santa Barbara, we have the privilege of having Dr. Laura not only as a neighbor, but also as a regularly featured columnist in our very popular Santa Barbara News-Press (which, for attorney-client confidentiality reasons, I cannot comment about here but a google search on the paper’s name should suffice if you’re looking for dirt about journalistic ethics).

So, before I get to the part of the book that turned me off, I will happily acknowledge some general principles I agreed with:

1. Be nice to your husband and he will be nice to you.

2. A husband does appreciate coming home from work to relative calmness in the house, a nice meal ready, and a wife who does not look like a total schlubb.

3. She’s right about guys needing regular sex and not caring nearly as much about your cellulite as you do.

And that, ladies, is where she had me. I was actually thinking, “Ok, I know where she’s going with this. It’s about respect and peace and enjoying your time together and  not seeng your husband as a competitor.”

But then, starting at the very bottom of page 76, she totally lost me. Forever.

And I quote:

The man should be the major breadwinner in the family. Every man needs a battle or war to win to prove to himself that he is strong and capable of conquering any and all dragons that life throws his way. Taking care of his family by working and providing are his battles.

I graduated magna cum laude from law school and the best argument I can come up with against this statement is, “Is she kidding me with this?”  It’s just wrong on so many levels.

I promise, Husband Extraordinaire feels like a man every time he fetches a piece of jewelry from the sink drain, unclogs the disposal, and lugs the recycling up our ridiculously steep driveway. I also believe he feels like a man as he watches football with a beautiful two year old wrapped into his arms, takes his wife out for a weekly date night (which we can afford because of our joint earnings), eats at our all-time favorite restaurant, buys a second home in Palm Springs, and vacations in Maui for a week every year.

Really, Dr. Laura, I think his job as a litigation attorney gives him plenty of dragons to slay.  And, because I don’t have to ask permission every time I buy myself a treat or justify every frivilous expense, there are no battles for him to fight at home. Everyone is happy. And that should be good enough for Dr. Laura. But, it’s ok if it’s not. It’s good enough for me, and for my husband.