What can I do in a month?

Today is January 3rd.

On February 3rd, I turn 35.

35 seems like a big deal, or at least it felt that way ever since turning 34. I find myself at this wonderful place in my life – with kids and happy with the decision to stop at 2 beautiful, healthy, verbal and sometimes too whiny and binky/blanky addicted, little girls.

The business thing is definitely under control, and my plans to expand its growth and potential continue.

I get along nicely with Husband Extraordinaire, who is supportive in all of my endeavors and who offers on-the-money advice when I request it.

As 35 looms, my biggest accomplishment is perhaps letting go of the idea of attaining perfection. My interest today lies more in keeping myself focused, allowing myself indulgences (clothes & shoes, primarily), surrounding myself with caring and supportive and authentic friends, and making sure to actively love my family, and not just say I love my family, and not just assume that saying “I love you” is enough. And, with all things social-drama and work related, I keep this mantra in mind:

Illegitimi non carborundum

So, yes, I feel I’m in a good place as I approach the not-so-big, but big-feeling birthday. And here’s what I hope to accomplish this month:

1. Make headway on my self-published law school admission guidance book so it’s ready for printing and marketing in March. it’ll be here soon!

2. Work, work, work, but not lose my stamina…. the end of my busy season is days away and the end of the season is always the hardest – people are more stressed out, deadlines loom, and expectations may be difficult to manage.

3. Run every day for a week. Then I get to buy myself new running shoes to replace the $30 pair I bought 2 years ago. That’s my motivation for picking back up where I left off with my workouts.

4. Planning my birthday celebration. I’m inviting friends to my house for champagne and cupcakes, and even though I down scaled the original idea to avoid exhibiting ostentatious behavior during our current economic crisis, I still plan to wear my best new strapless cocktail dress from Saks (therefore instilling additional motivation to keep going with the running).

5. Plan my daughter’s 5th birthday, vowing not to go overboard. I swear I’m using e-vite, and not spending more than $250. ($150 of that is for the gymnastics place…..)

6. Enjoy two weekends in Palm Springs: one with my family (involving watching the girls in the pool, watching the girls bike, working during naptimes, and my husband’s BBQ prowess at its best), and one with three close friends (involving premium outlet shopping, tennis, yummy restaurants, a good cocktail or too, and logging some pool time when I am actually able to read a book in the sun).

7. Hosting my book club. Which means actually reading the book I selected. I’ve been so busy reading other things (and I promise to blog about all of the books soon) that this book has so far eluded my attention. Better add that to the list of things I’ll accomplish in Palm Springs this weekend.

8. Welcoming our new au pair from Bosnia. Please, please wish us luck on that one. Please. I maintain such high hopes and faith in people…. let’s hope I don’t start blogging about au pair frustrations anytime soon. (Any good references for Bosnian culture I should know about? Google proves puzzingly elusive on the topic).

9. Lead a nonprofit board meeting by keeping my fingers crossed under the table and praying under my breath, “please, no controversy, please no controversy, please! please!”

10. Get to 1,500 twitter followers. twitter counter certainly says it’s possible. Why not go for it?

11. Continue moving my marketing and web team ahead with changes to my business and to decorating this blog appropriately.

12. Change my business model slightly so I’m not quite so accessible to people who haven’t paid me yet : )

Ok, now I’m off to go for a nice run. Gotta earn those running shoes.

MomwtihMoney’s 6 New Year’s Resolutions

On January 3, 2008, I found myself inside a CAT scanner.  I thought I was having a stroke and spent the time inside the box imagining headlines along the lines  of, “34 year old mother of 2 and Community Leader …” (you get the drift). Thankfully, it turned out to “just” be a migraine headache, but it was one that lasted 6 weeks, overlapping conveniently with a stomach flu that left me bedridden for 7 days (losing just as many pounds) and barely upright in time for my birthday. Just when I started to feel better and ready to work out again, I was hit by a second bout with the stomach flu. The only good news from all of this is that (a) it was only the flu, and (b) I have kept off post of the 7 lbs. I lost.

The best things I did for myself and my family in 2008: Getting an au pair (allowing me more time to work knowing my girls had a loyal and loving honorary member of the family engaging with them and taking care of their needs), finally succumbing to my years of struggling with a self-image issue and getting the nose job I’ve thought about for 20 years, buying a vacation home where wonderful memories are already being built and traditions already being established, incorporating a non-negotiable weekly date night and spending 4 weekends away with my husband. Oh, and I bought some AMAZING shoes this year. Seriously.

The things I could have done better: kept up the great fitness level I worked so hard to attain, spent less time doing mundane tasks I didn’t need to be doing, I probably didn’t need to shop quite so much, I spent too much time complaining to my husband about how busy I am and not recognizing how much pressure he must also feel (although he certainly never admits to it), maintained a bit more diplomacy and bit less personal ego investment in my role as board chair of a non-profit organization, and of course I should have documented more of my younger daughter’s milestones so there’s not such a huge disparity in the number of pages each of my daughters has filled with precious moments.

So, with all of that out in the open, here are my New Year’s Resolutions for 2009:

1. I will do things to make my life easier, including (a) buying a Mac so I’m not fighting PC viruses constantly; (2) hiring my personal assistant for more hours each week; (3) using a virtual assistant to help me with more mundane tasks; and (4) letting go of control and deciding I’m ok with our au pair driving my kids around town so that I can work when I need to work and use my “play” time more wisely.

2. I will Work Less and Make More by: (1) giving myself a raise (I’m worth it!); (2) creating demand sooner and giving incentives for people who sign up to work with me earlier so that my income is more balanced throughout the year; (3) diversify my business and not let the hours I am available determine how quickly my holdings can grow – meaning I will employ others to assist me as I “think bigger”; and (4) evaluating each task and really deciding whether it’s something I have to handle or whether it can be farmed out to someone else.

3. I will Concentrate on Quality of Life by: (1) joining a better gym that motivates me and has the classes I enjoy at more convenient times and at a more convenient location; (2) spending at least one weekend a month in our newly acquired vacation home; (3) trying not to work in the mornings before school – that should be my time to really interact with my daughters; and (4) not complaining about how hard I’m working to my husband, who is also working incredibly hard.

4. I will Use My Time More Wisely by: compartmentalizing my day – instead of checking twitter and facebook whenever I feel like it, calendar this time into my day in 3 or 4 5-10 minute intervals, and same with time to blog and time to return calls – that way I’ll feel fewer interruptions and won’t lose time as I reacquaint myself with whatever task I left halfway done to pick up the phone call.

5. I will Invest in My Friends by: writing handwritten notes, making time for coffee, meeting for walks, calling people just because, and surrounding myself with people who are supportive, understanding, authenic, interesting, helpful and fun.

6. I will Share My Values with My Daughters by : selecting toys, books, and tv shows that reflect my values (Free to Be is the best Book/CD/DVD on the planet, hands down), showing them that when I’m with them they have my complete attention, and that when I can’t be with them I am doing something important for our family and providing a service that helps people through a stressful time in their life and/or motivates them to create a better life for themselves and their families.

I’m sure I’ll think of more, and I’m sure I’ll continue to be introspective as my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, and personal resolutions for 2009. I hope it is a happy, healthy year in which we all work to repair the world.

7 New Year’s Resolutions for Busy Moms

For each of the last7 days of 2008, I will share a New Year’s Resolution geared toward busy moms, ending with my personal New Year’s Resolutions on January 1, 2009.

Here is the schedule:

Friday, December 26: Improving Management of Household Finances

Saturday, December 27: A Healthier You

Sunday, December 28: Learning to Ask Others for Help

Monday, December 29: Keeping the Romance Alive

Tuesday, December 30: Making More Money

Wednesday, December 31: Make Time for True Friends (and less time for the others)

Thursday, January 1: MomwithMoney’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2009

Each day, I will provide links to great resources (featuring my twitter tweople to thank them for helping me reach 400 followers this weekend). So, if you have something to contribute to any of these topics, please find me on twitter @momwithmoney.

Today’s Tip: Forgive Yourself for Making Mistakes

My shortfall is a complete lack of common sense. I graduated at the top of my law school class, run a quarter of a million dollar a year business, raise two kids, manage a household, and chair a non profit board – all without an ounce of common sense.

You don’t believe me?

Here’s how Friday went:

1. So excited about my trip with hubby, we’re driving to the Burbank airport (2 hours away in Friday afternoon traffic). I’m enjoying our conversation – we’re talking about the economy. No one is interrupting us. No Backyardigans soundtrack is blasting from the backseat. All of the sudden, “@#&*%(!!!!!”

I forgot the tickets. Remember paper airplane tickets? Our vacation package on Southwest airlines included the mandatory use of paper tickets. You know, the paper tickets I left sitting on my desk back in Santa Barbara?

Of course, Husband Extraordinnaire has this way of looking absolutely blank rather than furious or losing his temper. I pick up the phone, call the airline, am told to call the travel booking company, who then tells me to buy new tickets at the airport, and I call back and someone is nice enough to tell me how to get a refund for the unused tickets. Problem solved.

2. Our plane lands in Oakland and I am greeted by a text message from the au pair. I actually forgot to pay her before I left. I feel terribly, imaging the au pair starving in Los Angeles because her cruel host mom neglected to pay her meager wages. I immediately call my mother in law and take her step by step through the online transfer process at Bank of America.

3. As I was putting on my scarf before departing the airplane, my earring (the only pair I own – a birthday gift from my husband) flew off. I found it, but we were the last ones off the plane.

These things are not typical for me. Yes, I often do things that lack common sense, but these were really out there. However, I am proud of myself for how I handled each situation. I remained calm, took action, and then moved on with my day. I refused to let the frustration follow me. And this also gave me the strength to keep my mouth shut when the restaurant my husband refused to make reservations for (despite his unfaltering desire to eat there) turned out to be closed for a private party – after we walked 45 minutes to get there.

His patience with me during my whole airplane ticket screw up was paid back tenfold when I refrained from the oh-so-tempting, “I told you to make reservations….”

We ended up having a fabulous dinner somewhere else and went to Restaurant #1 the second night of our getaway.

So, the Make More, Be More, Do More tip for today is:

Forgive yourself for little screw-ups, and forgive others for theirs.

(A good lesson for marriage, but also for business).

Firing the Nanny But Keeping the Botox?

I saw this article in the WSJ today and feel compelled to comment.

A long-time nanny to a family with a SAHM finds herself out of work because the family is cutting back on expenses. The daughter is so distraught that the family sought medical attention for her. The doctor’s advice? Continue relations with the nanny.

The nanny, meanwhile, wrings her hands over her inability to purchase shoes for her teenage children.

What does the mom do? Willingly state to the WSJ that she just cannot do without her Botox treatments.

I believe those of us with funds to spend in this difficult economic climate have an obligation to spend, and to spend with a conscience. We must choose wisely. I would cut my shoe budget before throwing my housekeeper to the street – not because I care so much about a clean house, but because she is a person trying to provide for her family and in this economy it would prove difficult for her to replace the income.

My hope is that people thinking about cutting expenses value people more than HBO and Showtime, Tiffany jewelry, or fancy holiday parties. My hope is that people choose to write checks to food banks and shelters instead of taking advantage of great deals on new cars. (Although my father in law, who sells luxury automobiles, will be pretty upset with me for saying so and would argue that car manufacturers and automobile industry employees are as much in need of support as any other entity).

Choose to spend your money any way you like. I just ask you to actively engage in the choosing by making your choices thoughtfully. I vote my conscience with my dollars, and I hope you will also. It’s not about being perfect with our choices. It’s about being thoughtful with our choices.

How will you be thoughtful with your dollars this holiday season?

3 Ways I Changed My Own Life Today

I want to put my money where my mouth is. I’m always writing about quality of life. So, I asked myself what needed to happen for me to improve my own quality of life – not in the future, but immediately. Right now. Today.

I came up with this:

1. I want to stop working when I’m in charge of my kids. I usually work on the computer between 6-8:30 in the morning while the kids beg me to watch “Martha Speaks” with them. After being nagged twice, I enthusiastically sit on the couch and pat myself on the back if I’m still sitting there seven minutes later. This is going to change. Immediately.  I thought about what I’m actually accomplishing during this time that cannot wait. It’s the social networking – managing facebook and twitter, and getting rid of all the sales-y and junk e-mails that come in. I need to eliminate this from my daily schedule. Today.

2. I need to exercise more. I love to exercise. I usually exercise 3-5 times a week. I have done every boot camp and spinning class in the book. But I stopped going to the gym while recovering from surgery in July. For a while, my concerted efforts at daily walks/jogs proved fruitful. However, in my busiest season I find that I wake up fully intending to work out and then realize as the sun sets that I never actually got around to it. That is something within my power to change immediately.

3. I need to manage my time more protectively. I will only schedule one event each day. My original schedule for today showed me taking my 2 yo to try out an hour in her soon-to-be pre-school classroom, then going to a lunch meeting with the Sheriff for the non-profit board I chair. I love lunch meetings, and I love hobnobbing with the Sherriff -he’s a great guy and very dedicated to our cause – but I love my daughter more. And with all those LSAT takers chomping at the bit to actually apply to law school, I decided that the lunch meeting had to go on without me and now I will have time to implement goal #2.

How did I take care of #1 and #2? Easy. After weeks of talking with various people touting their skills as Virtual Assistants, I finally found one who I thought understood what I needed and who immediately “got me.” I think I’ll enjoy working with her, so I hired her. And I told Husband Extraordinnaire  (in business circles I refer to him as my Business Manager when I don’t want to be blamed for the decision I’m making) that this would be better for me, better for the girls, and better for him because it will enable me to stay skinny. He approved the expenditure.

I believe the key to using your time wisely is to wisely choose how you use your time.

I absolutely want to be the person who writes personal messages on holiday cards to family, friends, and clients. I want to be the person writing thank you notes for my daughter’s birthday gifts. However, I don’t have to address the envelopes, buy the stamps, or get them mailed. I want to be the person who picks the holiday gifts for my daughters, but I don’t have to be the person who returns the duds or sells off the ones not worth the shipping fees to return. And I don’t feel like I’m passing off these tasks because I’m actively employing those who do help me complete them. I’m contributing to the economy and keeping things moving. (Of course, this is how I justify the new shoes also …)

Ok, and just for the record for those of you who have been following me since my big reading-related announcement last month:

I did read Septembers of Shiraz (liked it a lot), did not read 10o Years of Solitude (sadly, no one else in the book club did either, except for the organizer who called it “depressing”), am about to read The Price of Privilege” for my other book club, and still need to read “Thinking Like Your Editor.” However, I am considering paying my new VA to read that one for me….

Advice for My Daughter: 3 Tips to Terrific Toddlerhood

My baby is turning two tomorrow.

The transition from babyhood to little girl begins already, as she swirls in her dresses beaming from under her baby hair bangs, announcing “Pretty Princess!”

Tomorrow she will blow out a Dora candle. She’s been practicing. She knows the drill.

A year ago, we celebrated the arrival of her first tooth. She still crawled to get around.

Today, she cries only if you turn off Dora or Diego or take away her pacifier. She pretends to roller skate and she asks for everyone by name. Her sentences include “Mommy, I want Diego” and  “I want brush teeth.”

Two is  big birthday. Seriously.  This will be an eventful year for her. If you don’t believe me, just think about her plans for the next month: Birthday party, Mom and Dad leave for 2 nights and Grandma will be in charge, Mom and Dad return and then other set of Grandparents moves in for 2 weeks, Hanukkah and the accompanying festivities, saying goodbye to her beloved au pair, visiting Palm Springs, and – (bugle horn here) starting preschool.

Therefore, Nicole, I want to give you some advice for your third year of life on this amazing but fairly scary planet:

1. Do not change at all. Look at life exactly as you do now. Be happy to see everybody. Clap your hands to music. Wiggle and say “Wiggle,Wiggle” as you do it. Think of yourself as a pretty princess. Continue to amaze everyone by identifying letters and counting to ten (in Russian and in Spanish in addition to English) and then be visibly proud of your accomplishment. Love books, and enthusiastically point out everything that you see. Be empathetic to others when they are hurt.  Ask for band-aids to cover up their boo-boos. Give kisses whenever requested to do so.

2. You are a nice, sweet and happy girl. Stay that way, but not to the point of allowing anyone to take advantage of you. Speak up for yourself if someone takes something you found first. Cultivate a sense of justice – you are, after all, the child of two lawyers.

3. Make lots of friends, not just one friend. Make sure some of them are boys before it’s too late and the chance is lost forever. Play with their puzzles and trucks and pulled-off spider legs. Don’t get so into the Disney Princesses just because other girls are; dressing up is overrated.

Actually, my dear sweet girl, this is good advice for mommy as well. After all, I never did really learn to play well with others.

I love you, Miss Nicole.

3 Life Lessons Learned While Knitting

I took up knitting when my oldest daughter was about a year old.  Really, I was looking for a reason to keep my butt in a chair without getting up every two seconds, but couldn’t stand the thought of just sitting and not being productive. One of the friends I most admire -for being an individual and a strong, smart woman- is an avid (very advanced) knitter. I decided it would give me some street cred with her if I learned to knit, and -besides- I was tired of buying diaper genies for baby showers. I wanted to be the one who gave the meaningful gift. So, I took some lessons on knitting and purling and morphed into a knitter.

Knitting has now been part of my life for four years. It is the only remotely artsy-craftsy thing I do. The fact that lack artistic talent of any kind plays no part in my knitting abilities; it’s simply about following a recipe and picking pretty colors of yarn, so it’s worked out perfectly. Through knitting, some pretty important life lessons remain a part of my nomenclature.

First Life Lesson From Knitting:

Sitting still, accomplishing a little bit at a slow pace, does not equate with failure. It takes a very long time to knit blankets and shawls and larger items, and an hour’s worth of work may not even be noticeable – it might result in just a few rows. But any progress is progress. And without all that in-between, boring foundation-laying, there can be no end result. No fringe and ruffle without the body of the shawl, no cowl neck without the endlessly dull back of the sweater. The foundation is what lets you arrive at the beauty and style of the finished piece.

Second Life Lesson From Knitting:

The decision whether to correct a mistake is often more painstaking than actually correcting the mistake. Mistakes happen in knitting. I knit a purl stitch, purl a knit stitch, drop a stich altogether, or do the wrong thing on the right side of the piece. I lose count of stitches and rows. I forget the tricks to obtaining smooth edges. Sometimes I catch the mistakes immediately and it’s no big deal to go back and fix them. Sometimes I only see the mistakes later, and undoing the work would be incredibly frustrating, set back my progress significantly, and mean that I’d wasted hours on something for no good reason. The temptation to keep going, to hope no one notices the mistake, overwhelms me. “No one will notice this,” I reason. Then, after I finish the piece and tie in the loose ends, I realize the poor sweater (made of really expensive yarn) is resigned to its eternal resting place – the highest shelf in my closet- because I just refuse to wear anything with noticeable flaws. Of course, there is another lesson in this – to not be so incredibly scared of the flaws. To see that the flaws prove the sweater is homemade – something I did with my own hands, my own work, and to see value and beauty in that quality. Deciding whether the mistake is worth repairing, or whether it’s something I can live with, is great practice for parenting, for business, for marriage, and for everything else in life.

Third Life Lesson From Knitting

Gifts of love mean the most.

After the birth of my younger daughter, and while balancing a 2 year old and a full time job, I took it upon myself to knit a scarf for my friend’s birthday. It was a ridiculous thing to do – the hormones were obviously impacting my judgment. And the gift probably wasn’t completely appreciated, but I felt good giving it. When my friends dress their babies in the sweaters and matching hats that I made, I see that they appreciated my efforts and understood that  my taking the time to create something meant more than any purchased gift. Sure, there are times when the baby hats I made while balancing two kids on my lap failed to even merit a thank-you note, but I (truly, honestly) felt good knowing I’d put effort into the gift (even if part of me was slightly bitter, the lack of consideration has -on occasion- proven to me how good a friend someone actually is and taught me not value the friendship so highly in the future).  Giving hand-knit gifts has also strengthened friendships because it was obvious that I was thinking of the person and of the occasion for a long time. There’s nothing last minute about a hand-knit gift. My avid-knitter friend made me three pairs of socks in the last three years because I love each pair so much I wear them out. That’s friendship. From both sides. Thanks, Kamila.

Knit By Kamila

My Biggest Weakness

Something that totally bugs me about myself is that I have a terrible habit of interrupting people. I try not to do it, I know I do it, and I hate that I do it, but I still do it. I interrupt friends, clients, everyone….. I don’t know how people stand talking to me.

I’m on page 192 of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love.

I’m not sure I relate to her experiences, or how unbelievably unforgiving she is with herself, but I totally related to her self- criticism of how she interrupts people:

Or, here’s a radical concept-maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting, I can’t find another way to see it than this: “I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying.” And I can’t find another way to see that than: “I believe I am more important than you.” And that must end.

Ok. That makes it pretty clear. This is my goal for the week – to remember that I would never want anyone to think I really felt I was more important and to keep my mouth shut when others are talking. Especially with my clients, because even though I talk about the LSAT all day, they are going through this experience of applying to law school for the very first time. It’s new to them. And I don’t charge by the hour, so I don’t need to anticipate the end of every question and sentence. I can try to just let them share their thoughts and concerns.

But, I might have to have one exception to the rule if that’s ok with you?

I have a non-profit board meeting tomorrow and I’m the chairperson. And I’m the youngest person in the room. And these people like to talk just to hear themselves speak. Or at least one of them does. And I will gain the respect of most people in the room if I can effectively and politely keep that person on point…… Can I do this without interrupting? And, is getting out of the meeting sooner more important than letting someone say their piece?

Hmmm… it might be a whole new Ann.