Advice for My Daughter: 3 Tips to Terrific Toddlerhood

My baby is turning two tomorrow.

The transition from babyhood to little girl begins already, as she swirls in her dresses beaming from under her baby hair bangs, announcing “Pretty Princess!”

Tomorrow she will blow out a Dora candle. She’s been practicing. She knows the drill.

A year ago, we celebrated the arrival of her first tooth. She still crawled to get around.

Today, she cries only if you turn off Dora or Diego or take away her pacifier. She pretends to roller skate and she asks for everyone by name. Her sentences include “Mommy, I want Diego” and  “I want brush teeth.”

Two is  big birthday. Seriously.  This will be an eventful year for her. If you don’t believe me, just think about her plans for the next month: Birthday party, Mom and Dad leave for 2 nights and Grandma will be in charge, Mom and Dad return and then other set of Grandparents moves in for 2 weeks, Hanukkah and the accompanying festivities, saying goodbye to her beloved au pair, visiting Palm Springs, and – (bugle horn here) starting preschool.

Therefore, Nicole, I want to give you some advice for your third year of life on this amazing but fairly scary planet:

1. Do not change at all. Look at life exactly as you do now. Be happy to see everybody. Clap your hands to music. Wiggle and say “Wiggle,Wiggle” as you do it. Think of yourself as a pretty princess. Continue to amaze everyone by identifying letters and counting to ten (in Russian and in Spanish in addition to English) and then be visibly proud of your accomplishment. Love books, and enthusiastically point out everything that you see. Be empathetic to others when they are hurt.  Ask for band-aids to cover up their boo-boos. Give kisses whenever requested to do so.

2. You are a nice, sweet and happy girl. Stay that way, but not to the point of allowing anyone to take advantage of you. Speak up for yourself if someone takes something you found first. Cultivate a sense of justice – you are, after all, the child of two lawyers.

3. Make lots of friends, not just one friend. Make sure some of them are boys before it’s too late and the chance is lost forever. Play with their puzzles and trucks and pulled-off spider legs. Don’t get so into the Disney Princesses just because other girls are; dressing up is overrated.

Actually, my dear sweet girl, this is good advice for mommy as well. After all, I never did really learn to play well with others.

I love you, Miss Nicole.

What Does “Success” Really Mean?

Or, in other words, how to be a mom who also has a day job…..

Yesterday from 6 – 8 a.m. this was my life:

Haley (while on potty): Mommy, do boys go poopoo too?

Me: Yes, of course. All people and animals go Poopoo.

Haley: But they only have the thing that sticks out.

Me: They also have a hole, honey. It’s just harder to see.

And I felt successful when she took that answer at face value and the conversation ended.

Two hours later, I felt successful when I caught up on all of my e-mails before leaving for my non-profit conference.

An hour after that, I felt successful when I had a really insightful conversation with a new friend over lunch and had the opportunity to speak to someone honestly about the challenges of cultivating true friendships when you’re a mom who doesn’t have time for every playdate and trunk show and fundraising event.

Two hours later, I felt successful when my girls saw me leave the house with a suitcase and did not have to be pried from my leg in tears about my leaving.

Two hours after that, I successfully arrived at the Beverly Hilton, registered for my conference, settled in, and connected with talented and passionate and committed people who share my interests in civil rights and justice. Plus, I met someone who went to high school with my husband who gave me a great prom date story that I can use to torture him. Ahhh!!! (Good thing Hubby Extraordinaire doesn’t read the blog…)

And, three hours later, I felt successful when I finally fell asleep. Success can also be a good night’s sleep in a new place when your mind is crowded with ideas.

Today is a new day and I already feel successful because I have been working for two hours, won’t be stressed about answering emails while I’m listening to the Mayor of Los Angeles, and can concentrate on the opportunities in front of me for the next 12 hours.

What will “Success” mean for you today?

Keep Your Friends Close: A Plug For Facebook

I have moved around a lot in my life. Among the places I’ve counted as “home” are: Syracuse, NY; Huntsville, AL; Miami, FL; Denver, CO; Houston, TX and Davis, San Diego, Los Angeles, and Santa Barbara, CA.  In each of these places, I’ve collected friends. Some of whome I’ve kept up with through the years, and some of whom I am only now rediscovering.

I started using facebook as a means to reach my clients, most of whom are in college or recent college graduates. It was a great way for people to know when I was available, what I was doing, when I posted a new blog tip, etc.

The benefit to me was that I could see pictures of my clients (most of whom I will never meet face-to-face) and learn more about their passions and experiences -and offer advice about which photos and quotes to remove immediately if they want to be taken seriously by law schools.

Then, I started finding real friends – people I have met face-to-face, many of whom I haven’t seen in many years. And I learned some amazing things:

People I was simply curious about, like high school crushes, are now doing really interesting things. They are real estate moguls and businesss people and blogging experts.  I had lunch with an old high school crush and his wife recently – reunited through Facebook – and really enjoyed getting to know them on a new, adult level and learning that these were people I could be friends with today.

Another old crush has this amazing resource on blogging that I could sit and read all day if I had the time. (Instead, I’ll do something pathetic like pay someone to read it for me and implement his ideas…. but still it’s worthwhile).

And there are non-crush related worthwhile people on FB too… (sorry to include you in this category Don, you were just too hot for me anyway….) and now we join each other’s networking communities and post on each others’ blogs and support each other in our business endeavors.

I have local friends on FB too, which some might say is pathetic but it helps me to get immediate updates on what’s going on in my friends’ lives. This time of the year, I just don’t have time for phone conversations with all of my fanatastic friends, but I don’t want to disappear every fall either. This way I know what everyone is doing, who is suffering with those lovely and contagious preschool illnesses, how pregnancies are going, who has a vacation coming up, who needs to be cheered up, and who needs to be congratulated.

Facebook is one of those tools that does let me Make More, Be More and Do More.

Make More: Many of my clients are people who found me through our mutual facebook friends. I also get many readers to my blogs from my facebook announcements.

Be More: I learn through each of my FB friends. I explore their interests through their photos and posts, I get inspired by their political involvements and career choices, and I get to know them outside the context of our initial relationship and become more invested in each friend as an individual. I implement the advice I get from my Facebook friends when I pose questions and engage with them. I also meet new people through mompreneur networks and groups – and these individuals are already helping me to build and streamline my business and personal life.

Do More: It’s fast! Because I can check in with so many people in one place, I can be so much more productive during my day. I have experts on pretty much every topic who are easily reachable – doctors, lawyers, writers, SEO experts, marketing consultants, writers, students, etc.

So, the Mom with Money Tip for the Day on how to Make More, Be More and Do More is:

Use Facebook. Look me up!

Follow Me On Twitter

To keep up with me all day long, follow me on http://twitter.com/momwithmoney

If Money Didn’t Matter

B and I talk about moving to places where the median home price is not a million dollars (in a depressed market). We try to put a monetary value on our quality of life, on having his parents nearby, on being part of this community, and we just decide it’s worth living here even if we’re making a financial sacrifice.

And, as it’s 10:56 p.m. and I’m still working while everyone else in my family sleeps (including the au pair) and the election news is playing in the background, I have to wonder how much money would it be worth to work less?

My friend from high school (and yes, I confess, I had a HUGE crush on him… it was ridiculous) put up a great blog post today on this topic as he considered how much money he would have to make to be willing to work more. He came to the conclusion that it’s not so much the money that makes the time worthwhile as the project that makes the time worthwhile.

Like Shane, I’m pretty lucky. I love what I do, and most days of the year I work about 4 or 5 hours a day. It’s just the 2 months a year when I work around the clock that I start to wonder what the money is worth… B reminds me though, that every November I say I’ve never had so much work, never been so far behind, never missed working out so much, never been so tired, never showered less…. and then in January I’m my happy self again.

So, the real insight you’ve gained in my exhaustion-laden post is that you don’t want to be near me right now… I think I’ll go shower…..

How to Feel Good About Affluence in Tough Economic Times

Yesterday we signed our escrow papers for our first second-home.

It’s been a goal of ours for a long time, and we were excited. As I sat there with my (on-loan) Fendi bag and (on-sale) Chanel sunglasses, I listened to our notary, Karin.

She told us about how she used to get 3-4 jobs a day as a traveling notary, and now she is thankful when the phone rings for any job because the offers come only 3-4 times a week. Apparently, we’re the only people buying real estate right now. (Of course, we’re only able to do it because of the depressed market).

How do I feel ok about doing well when others are struggling? Here are 5 things I’m trying to do to help:

1. I have increased my charitable giving, particularly to the local food bank.

2. I’ve cut down on visible extravagances. I plan to throw myself a more subdued 35th birthday celebration, for example.

3. I talk about shopping less. Not sure I’m actually shopping less, but I think of my shopping habit as helping the economy so as long as I’m not bragging about shopping I don’t give myself too hard a time about this.

4. I make sure to keep employing everyone the same number of hours I always have, rather than cutting down because I’m panicking. Now is not the time to tell the gardener to come only twice a week. I understand that people are relying on our family to make their own ends meet.

5. I refuse to open my retirement account statements.  If I see what we’ve “lost” then I’ll want to spend less. I remind myself it’s only a loss if I were going to liquidate the account right now.

What are some things you’re doing?