Please welcome me back

Back in January, I decided to put this project on hold while I launched my law school admission guidebook. It’s now a best-seller on Amazon.com and I’ve been getting a lot of questions from the press about how I started my business and about life as a work at home mom (WAHM).

This morning, I was interviewed by Family Radio on Blog Talk Radio about my 6 tips for success as a WAHM. You can listen to the interview here, and download it as a podcast as well.

So, I guess the bottom line is that you’ll be hearing more from me: More about how to Make More, Be More, and Do More. After all, I did get the trademark on the phrase. I might as well us it to inspire!

Making Marriage Matter

We all know how easy it is to get upset with our partners over stupid, mundane things. I am most likely to lose patience with Husband Extraordinnaire when he’s cleaning the kitchen. Seriously. How ridiculous is that? I resent that he spends an hour every night making the kitchen perfect. I say I resent it because it’s time he could be spending with me, but I’m working when he does it so who am I kidding? I really resent it because it feels like he’s pointing out one of my many inabilities to manage the household flawlessly.  Don’t I have any actual problems to worry about?

Because this is how daily life often proceeds, taking a “time out” is vital. Every 3-4 months, we escape – without kids – and just spend time together. The physical act of getting on a plane – even just driving to the airport without the sound of Barbie Fairytopia in the background and constant “potty” breaks (except for me, of course) – translates into uninterrupted (!) conversations.

Arriving in a new city, walking hand in hand with each other just because (rather than as a means of holding back children in a parking lot), deciding where to eat based on what looks good as we walk by, having no particular agenda other than reunions with friends who live near our destination – the whole experience recharges our joint batteries, if you will. It’s new and it’s fresh. And it’s sentimental, because we generally choose getaway destinations we’ve enjoyed together previously.

This afternoon, we head to San Francisco. We started dating in San Francisco. He picked an outfit for me there that I still own (and could wear if I desired). It’s where we escaped to distract ourselves while waiting for bar results. I shlepped those hills twice during my pregnancy with our oldest daughter. All of these memories – whether we talk about them or not – rekindles good stuff.

Or at least, I hope it will. We haven’t left yet but I’m optimistic. I think every marriage needs this.  And one night is never enough. It always takes 2 nights to relax into being away. If you haven’t done this in a long time – or ever since having kids – make this a priority. Make it your holiday gift to each other, ask your in laws to make babysitting for a weekend their holiday gift to you.  Commit. Because after the kids leave the house, it’s just you and your partner. In the end, it’s just about the two of you. That relationship deserves efforts to sustain it.

That’s my Make More, Be More, Do More Tip for the Day: Do whatever it takes, but get away – just the two of you.

My Monica Closet: My Office

Oh, the poor tech guy from MakeItWork.

He even showed up at the door holding my rained-on newspapers. He had no idea what he was in for.

I brought him into my office. Oh, how it must’ve looked to this very hip, longish-hair, Dolce & Gabbana eyeglass frame wearing 24 year old.

Imagine a 10 by 10 foot room. In that room is a stairmaster, bookcase, tv, box for a Disney Princess 16″ Huffy bike with training wheels, three huge amazon boxes filled with Hannukah gifts for the kids (and, yes, I am that ahead of things), a weight bench, four miscellaneous boxes, 2 framed prints that have been leaning against the wall for 3 years and 10 months, my knitting basket, a basket of law school admission related books, a filing cabinet, and then – oh yes – an L-Shaped desk.

I should seriously take a picture of this, but it’s too disgusting. And if any of my law school admission consulting clients saw it, they would demand their money back. With interest.

So, I’ve avoided this long enough: A description of my desk…. (My best friend/personal assistant will wince as she realizes she’s going to have to read this and then sneak into my house and fix it when I’m not looking).

Sitting at my keyboard, on my left I can see a memo pad, client papers, a grasshopper toy from a Happy Meal, my video camera in some mysterious state of being charged, a roll of green painter’s tape, an orange toddler bowl, my checkbook, my work phone, my cell phone, my camera charger, a few photos….and that’s only the top layer. There is at least 3 inches of stuff underneath all of that. And this space is only 2 feet by 1 foot.

On top of my laptop keyboard (the one I don’t use for actual typing) are two notes. (Oh, crud! A call I was supposed to make 6 minutes ago!).

To the right, I know there is my business phone under there, but all I see is the address for our au pair who will arrive from Brazil in January. I’m hoping to send her a Christmas package of things from Santa Barbara. (Hello, personal assistant, please help me with this!). I have a stack of business cards in the original box (I run an online business – how often do I ever hand someone a card unless it’s going in a retaurant’s free lunch drawing?), my Office 2007 software (one of the best business purchases I made this year), my credit card swiping machine (which I seldom use and feel guilty for leaving plugged in all the time, but I have bumped my head too many times trying to plug it in while I’m on the phone with a client who is ready to pay me). My old address book is there. Can’t remember last time I updated it. Don’t even think I have an updated address book anymore. (Again, personal assistant will have a good time addressing my holiday cards). Stamps (thanks to personal assistant), web cam to talk to my parents for when the kids will actually sit still (and so they can see my plastic surgery progress, but that’s a whole other blog topic)….

And a coffee cup and saucer (from this afternoon, I swear), a receipt or two, a hotel-sized hand lotion, some random mail that I can’t see because it’s underneath all of the other stuff (bills?), my stamped and ready to go check for $30,000 to the IRS. (OUCH. Can’t bring myself to mail it. Too painful. That’s a new car, for *&!@&* sake!). My printer, actually working today – it helps that it’s actually plugged in to the computer today.

And, oh God, there’s a whole other length to my desk so I’ll just list what I see:

The ABA-LSAC Official Guide to ABA-Approved Law Schools

My stalled knitting project (I’ve never tried chart-knitting and I admit I’m scared)

My non-profit board agenda, a bowl of random cords and chargers,

A photo frame with two pictures of me and hubby from when we started dating (the twin towers are in the background…..)

An index card holder that (I think) has some CDs, photographs, passwords, key phone numbers and other random things I never need to access

A ceramic vase my grandfather made, with a flower cut out of construction paper by my 4 y.o.

New Bic Mechanical Pencils that I just had to buy while we shopped for Thanksgiving groceries last night

Sunglass holder (no sunglasses? crud.)

Another old and outdated address book

A bracelet my 4 y.o. made for me

It looks like a 6 inch stack of papers, including some old tax returns, clean printer paper, information about how my non-profit organization fights hate crimes, and a magazine article I cut out about someone who got a book published after showing she had a committed blog audience (hello people – please comment!!!!)

Blank envelopes

Address labels that are completely illegible (the one time my personal assistant f-ed up and she’s still kicking herself for it)….

Ok, I’m too tired to tell you what else was on this desk (or about the random pile of paper to be recycled at my feet) when the Make It Work tech came to help me.

And I’m also too tired to tell you how many times my kidsinterrupted as he tried to ask me questions about how I use my e-mail and why I’m getting two of every email for one account, and none of my e-mails for another account.

And the phone – literally – rang 6 times in 10 minutes. Seriously.

It was almost comical. And yet, this guy wants to be my regular tech and he sold me a 5-hour package (which 5 of his predecessors tried to do this year and failed).

He really seems to have solved my computer issues. So I have no excuse not to be working right now.

If only he cleaned desks.

How I Became a 6-Figure WFHM

I was one of those women who, as an attorney, billed 2,000 hours/year even while pregnant. My ego and self-worth was completely tied into my boss, my cases, my clients, and my nice paycheck. But I also saw the signs:

Sign #1: At my annual evaluation, boss telling me I really deserved another $10,000 raise on top of the $15,000 raise he was giving me, but he was “afraid I was going to mommy track it.”

Sign #2: The look of shock on his face when I told him a trial date wouldn’t work for me because I was due to have a baby that week.

Sign #3: When, at 32 weeks preg, I was hospitalized with early labor symptoms and he had his secretary call me in the hospital to find a random evidentiary document.

Sign #4: After my daughter was born, and despite the fact that I’d been billing again since she was 8 days old, and despite the fact that I showed up in the office triumphant after a hearing (where we’d been awarded our attorney fees as sanctions! Hello!), he informed me my services would no longer be needed.

I went into complete shock (after negotiating my severance, of course). My ego was absolutely shattered, I was a mess in every volunteer organization meeting I tried to attend (forever souring our rabbi against me, causing him to be skeptical about my every endeavor since), and I felt at a complete loss, completely sorry for myself for dedicating so much time and energy and loyalty to someone and something that could so easily cut me loose.

I packed up my office, got home, told the nanny I could no longer afford her services, and tried to collect myself.

Game Plan #1: I knocked on every door of every lawyer I knew, wearing my power suit. No one had anything for me, but promised to keep an ear to the ground.

Game Plan #2: Enjoy being a mommy while I can. So, I went for a walk with my friend, Michelle. We took the kids for a stroll in our baby joggers.  I still remember the exact place in the park where I was standing when I said, “You know, I should help people applying to law school.”

And the rest, as they say, is history.

I spent a week doing research:

How do  I start a business? Do I need a business license? How do I get a website? How do I get a domain name? How do I take credit cards? How do I advertise online? How do I get a business phone line?

I knew absolutely nothing about starting a business. My mom is a nurse, my dad is a professor, and I’ve always had the kind of jobs that came with salaries and W-2s. But, I had an ace in my pocket because my husband has amazing business sense.

“B, I think I need $1,400 to get this up and running.”

“How about $700?” He asked, worried about now being a one-income family with a 4 month old baby and a mortgage in Santa Barbara.

“My unemployment check is for $1,400. I need the whole thing.”

He agreed, and within three weeks, I’d made back every penny.

In the first year, my income equaled a paralegal salary.

In my second year, I was earning what a part time lawyer would make.

In my third year, I exceeded my previous income practicing law.

In my fourth year, I was at partner status.

And, this year, I’ve exceeded any yearly income I’d ever hoped to earn.

So, when people ask me why I didn’t sue the jerk who fired me, I answer in one of two ways: “Because it was the best thing that ever could have happened for me and for my family” or “He’s a Buddhist and believes in karma, so it’s all good.”

A Time for Restraint

This weekend, nearly 200 homes were lost in my community.

500 mobile homes in Southern California were also destroyed.

People are losing jobs. Real Estate agents accustomed to prosperity are scrimping and saving.

It’s pretty easy to get lost in the misery, isn’t it?

It’s also pretty easy to ignore it when you’re one of the few doing well in these difficult times.

I think the correct response – the one I’m struggling to find – is somewhere in the middle.

I have lost my interest in shopping because I want to be sensitive about showing off new purchases. But I want to stimulate the economy and not be one of the many responding to paranoia by holding their wallets too close to their bodies.  I want to enjoy my new vacation home with my family without making a big deal of my weekend activities. I also want to celebrate my 35th birthday – which is 2 months away. My long dreamt of plans for a big champagne and cupcakes party for my girlfriends no longer seems to be in good taste, so instead I’m going to spend some quality time with my very best friends.

So, as someone who calls herself a “mom with money,” how do I reconcile having money in an environment when so many are struggling? The Mom With Money Tip for The Day on How to Make More, Be More and Do More is:

Be sensitive to others. Don’t assume you know what a friend is going through right now. Enjoy success with your family and by sharing your good fortune with anonymous others.

And, if you are one of those who is scared right now, think about what you can do to help yourself. Do friends need help with child care or running errands? Can you take on typing work from home? Sell some things on ebay? Use some time to get in shape and concentrate on more spiritual pursuits? Start a consulting business on a topic relating to your expertise? Think about all of the things you have to offer.

Here are some great ideas for Internet related home businesses.

What Does “Success” Really Mean?

Or, in other words, how to be a mom who also has a day job…..

Yesterday from 6 – 8 a.m. this was my life:

Haley (while on potty): Mommy, do boys go poopoo too?

Me: Yes, of course. All people and animals go Poopoo.

Haley: But they only have the thing that sticks out.

Me: They also have a hole, honey. It’s just harder to see.

And I felt successful when she took that answer at face value and the conversation ended.

Two hours later, I felt successful when I caught up on all of my e-mails before leaving for my non-profit conference.

An hour after that, I felt successful when I had a really insightful conversation with a new friend over lunch and had the opportunity to speak to someone honestly about the challenges of cultivating true friendships when you’re a mom who doesn’t have time for every playdate and trunk show and fundraising event.

Two hours later, I felt successful when my girls saw me leave the house with a suitcase and did not have to be pried from my leg in tears about my leaving.

Two hours after that, I successfully arrived at the Beverly Hilton, registered for my conference, settled in, and connected with talented and passionate and committed people who share my interests in civil rights and justice. Plus, I met someone who went to high school with my husband who gave me a great prom date story that I can use to torture him. Ahhh!!! (Good thing Hubby Extraordinaire doesn’t read the blog…)

And, three hours later, I felt successful when I finally fell asleep. Success can also be a good night’s sleep in a new place when your mind is crowded with ideas.

Today is a new day and I already feel successful because I have been working for two hours, won’t be stressed about answering emails while I’m listening to the Mayor of Los Angeles, and can concentrate on the opportunities in front of me for the next 12 hours.

What will “Success” mean for you today?

How a Mompreneur Spends a Saturday

This is my tax season. I’m a law school admission consultant, so if I’m not busy on November 1st I should just close up shop. So, it’s November 1st, a Saturday, and I’m home working.  At least it’s rainy. That helps.

B (husband extraordinaire) took the girls to visit their great-grandparents. He does this to do a nice thing – guilt free work for me, and also not having to spend an afternoon cooped up in uncomfortable quarters (don’t get me wrong, I love his grandparents, but I get my bonus points by calling them weekly for about 45 minutes a pop, right?). Besides, B will have to do his end-of-the-month lawyerly billing tomorrow so it’s his time to enjoy the girls.

And, I have 98 e-mails to answer in the meantime:

78 of those are from clients who need something reviewed ASAP.

2 are from Neiman Marcus, enticing me to the 40% off sale that is ending in a few hours. (Alas, I already indulged on Thursday and am guiltily awaiting my shipment of a cashmere juicy sweatsuit and a gorgeous blue Vince Admiral coat... hopefully it won’t all fit and my personal assistant -or one of my personal assistants, I should say now that I’ve hired a second friend to help me with my computer issues- will return it for me….then it will be truly guilt-free because for some silly reason I haven’t told B about it….. he was so nice this week, telling me not to shop online but to actually go and enjoy the experience of shopping and then find something really nice)…

The rest of the e-mails are from friends congratulating me on the new blog, so that’s cool. Thanks, Friends! (This is what my daughter’s preschool teacher, Katie, would say… she addresses all the kids as “Friends” and it’s pretty sickeningly cute and effective).

Since starting this post, I’ve answered two client calls. So I guess they’d actually like me to review their applications now (the audacity! they pay me and then actually expect me to do work!).

For those of you who are curious about how a Mompreneur spends a Saturday afternoon, I will cram through as much work as possible from noon -2:30 or so, then grocery shop (you know it’s bad when the au pair is buying her own butter and eggs!) and I promised Brent I’d work out (must stay 117 pounds FOREVER). I hope to go for a jog in the rain. The gym will be too crowded (or so I assume – I haven’t actually been there since JULY!!!! and yes, I’m still paying the monthly fee just in case running in the rain loses its appeal).

That’ll get me to 4:30 or so, when I’ll start missing my beautiful girls like crazy. They will come home and be grouchy and demanding (especially since I’ve cruelly taken away my almost-2-year-old’s pacifier) and I’ll be itching for date night to begin.

Tonight’s babysitter is Hannah. Brent asks if that’s the tatooed one. Yes. He says, “Oh, I like her. She’s a nice girl.” He says that because her tatoos are all of flowers. I like her because she knits.

And date night? I have no idea. Anywhere I can wear my jeans would feel right. There’s a local brewery we like. Generally, though, our fall back date night place is the cheap sushi joint we’ve been going for years where sharing a large Kirin and some sushi gets us out of there for under $35. And then it’s either to Baskin Robbins or Coffee Bean.

So, now, instead of dreaming my day through I am going to live it. Have a wonderful Saturday, wherever yours takes you.

Another Stay At Home Mom Makes Money

Instead of asking me how I do everything – work from home, make more than half my household income, and still take my daughters to every playdate and birthday party – my friends simply remark, “Wow. I wish I could make $60,000 in a month!” Then they never think of it again.

I want them to think of it again! There is room in this world for all smart, dynamic mothers to create something for themselves. There are so many great reasons to think outside the box: for financial security, to serve as a role model for their children, to impress the hell out of their spouses (who will feel much relieved to not have every financial pressure dependent upon them) and just for plain old self-esteem and putting brainpower (and expensive educations) to good use.

So, today my new twitter friend SmallBizBee introduced me (through his website) to Jessica Singer of MamaBargains. What an interesting and manageable (and potentially hugely profitable) stay-at-home mom business concept! Check it out and be inspired.

The Dangers of Jogging

I got this idea during a jog one drizzly Sunday morning. My husband (we’ll call him ‘B’ here) could see the stress overwhelming me and encouraged me to escape the craziness caused by our two preschool-aged daughters.

BTW, I call it a ‘jog’ because I am not one of those runner women. No half marathons, no ripped abs, no energy drinks for me. I just feel a little skinnier after 10 minutes of sweating.

That Sunday, it only took 10 minutes because an idea hit me: Here I am, balancing everything a woman in her 30s-40s is supposed to want to balance, and perhaps my thoughts, ideas, and coping strategies would be motivating to others.

So, here I am. The Danger of Jogging is that I made the decision to add something to my already filled plate.

I hope to address all of the aspects of my life that -in combination- make me so happy and feeling fulfilled and energetic everyday including:

• appreciating every possible moment with my young daughters
• enjoying a partnership, friendship and romance with my husband
• making a quarter of a million dollars a year working from home, on my own schedule
• serving as board chair of a non profit organization that fills my intellectual and political passions
• supportive and unconditional friendships and an active social life
• frivolity, including shopping and time for my favorite guilty pleasure TV shows and movies
• maintaining a healthy lifestyle emphasizing local organic produce and exercise
• cooking for my family at least 3-4 times a week (from scratch! Trader Joe’s does not count!)
• indulging in my knitting habit and lust for reading

So, what does all of this promise for our future together?

Recipes, book reviews, accounts of frustrated mommy moments, how to manage everything with a sense of humor and without getting frazzled, how you can contribute financially to your family while taking care of everyone’s every need AND taking care of yourself…..

So, I’ve titled this blog Mom with Money, and the point of starting it is to help you

MAKE MORE, BE MORE & DO MORE.

And it’s copyrighted so don’t even try to steal it….